100+ Best 3 Stooges Quotes: Timeless Comedy Lines You’ll Love

"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!"

"Soitenly!"

"Why I oughta knock your block off!"

"Hold hands, you lovebirds!"

"I'm not a doctor, but I played one on TV!"

"Wanna be a mouse?"

"You knucklehead!"

"Spread out!"

"He's revvin' up like a motor!"

"You're so dumb, you couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel!"

"What's the big idea?!"

"Now then, now then, now then!"

"Woob woob woob!"

"Hoi! Hoi! Hoi!"

"Bim bim bim!"

"Wah wah wah wah!"

"Me think, me stink!"

"Beep beep!"

"Okey dokey!"

"Toity-toid!"

"Moe, I seen a spook!"

"Yaka yaka!"

"Wheezy, squeaky, and sleepwalker!"

"Kook kook kook!"

"I don't get it, I don't get it at all!"

"Wait, what are we fightin' for again?"

"Who said that? Was it me?"

"Are we doing this again?"

"I thought we were going to the store!"

"Wait, whose nose is bleeding?"

"I’m standing right here… am I not?"

"Didn’t we already do this yesterday?"

"Is this real life?"

"You mean we’re not supposed to hit him?"

"Wait, who hired us again?"

"I must’ve missed the memo!"

"I’ll rip your lungs out!"

"You double-crossing, yellow-bellied snake!"

"I’ll poke your eyes out!"

"You rat! You maggot!"

"I’ll twist your head off!"

"You’re a disgrace to the human race!"

"I’ll flatten your face!"

"You worm! You insect!"

"I’ll kick you from here to Cincinnati!"

"You’re dumber than a box of rocks!"

"I’ll tear you limb from limb!"

"You’re nothing but a no-good skunk!"

"You’re as sweet as a pickle in peanut butter!"

"I love you more than mashed potatoes!"

"Will you adopt me?"

"You’re my little pickled pepper!"

"Let’s run away and open a noodle stand!"

"You make my insides feel like jelly!"

"Can I keep you?"

"You’re prettier than a new toilet seat!"

"Let’s get married in a hot dog bun!"

"My heart goes pitter-pat like a chicken on a griddle!"

"I’d climb Mount Everest for you… if there was pie at the top!"

"You’re the only girl I ever slapped twice!"

"We’re professionals, ain’t we?"

"The boss said to fix it, so let’s break it!"

"I’m delegating the smacking!"

"Teamwork means three heads getting hit at once!"

"We’re not late—we’re fashionably early to being late!"

"Office supplies are for hitting, not filing!"

"I’ll take minutes, you take seconds!"

"Let’s multitask—hit two birds with one brick!"

"Our productivity is through the roof—literally!"

"I call sick leave… from work!"

"We’re efficient—we mess things up faster!"

"This job would be great if it didn’t involve work!"

"When life gives you lemons, throw them back!"

"If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else!"

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"

"Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver!"

"A penny saved is a penny still lost!"

"Where there’s smoke, there’s fire—and where there’s fire, run!"

"Better late than never… unless you’re late to dinner!"

"Too many cooks? Then fire the kitchen!"

"Look before you leap—into someone else’s arms!"

"Absence makes the heart go wander!"

"Curiosity didn’t kill the cat—Moe did!"

"All’s fair in love and war—and slap fights!"

"Doc, I think I’m allergic to common sense!"

"I don’t need a diagnosis—I need a nap!"

"I swallowed a thermometer—now I’m feeling hot!"

"My brain hurts from thinking too little!"

"Nurse, I can’t feel my face!"

"I think I broke my unbreakable bone!"

"Doctor, every time I move, something falls off!"

"I came in for a band-aid, not a boxing match!"

"I believe I have a rare condition called stoogitis!"

"I don’t need medicine—I need mercy!"

"My blood type is confused!"

"I think I caught amnesia from Larry!"

"I like my eggs like I like my fights—scrambled!"

"This soup needs more salt… and less hair!"

"I don’t trust food that moves on its own!"

"Pie in the face is a balanced breakfast!"

"I ordered steak, not shoe leather!"

"If it wiggles, it’s alive—don’t eat it!"

"I think the toast bit me!"

"This milk’s sourer than Moe after breakfast!"

"I prefer my sandwiches pre-slapped!"

"Who put the rubber chicken in the stew?"

"I can’t taste anything—my nose is in my ear!"

"Dinner’s ready—run for your lives!"

"Always carry a spare nose!"

"If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em—then slap ’em!"

"Never trust a man who doesn’t snore!"

"The best way to win an argument? Hit first!"

"Keep your friends close, and your hammers closer!"

"When in doubt, panic!"

"A closed mouth collects fewer flies!"

"Always wear a helmet—even indoors!"

"If you fall down, take someone with you!"

"The shortest distance between two points is a punch!"

"Never say ‘I’m safe’—that’s when the piano drops!"

"Life’s short—so is Moe’s temper!"