100+ Best Big Bang Theory Quotes That Will Make You Laugh & Think

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested."

"Bazinga!"

"That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad."

"Why do you have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?" "It's not 'soup,' it's 'strength.' And it's not on my buttock, it's on my hip."

"I once spent six hours in a cardboard box just to see if I could do it."

"I’m not insane, my mother had me tested."

"The number 73 is actually pretty interesting: it's the 21st prime number, its mirror, 37, is the 12th, and its mirror, 21, is the product of multiplying 7 and 3."

"I am conducting important scientific research. It's called sleep."

"I have a spot. It's right here. Don’t move."

"I don't need friends, I’ve got the internet."

"If I were lactose intolerant, I’d turn down cheese platters like Gandhi turns down salt."

"I can’t be late. I have a schedule. My schedule says I should be dead by 8:15!"

"You’re my girlfriend. That entitles you to ask me questions that begin with ‘Don’t you think…’"

"I love you." "Please don’t interrupt me when I’m counting."

"We’re like the inverse of the Hulk. He gets stronger when he’s angry; we get weaker."

"I thought our relationship was based on honesty and trust." "And yet, you still lied to me."

"You know what the opposite of fun is? Funerals. And Tuesdays."

"I want you to know that I accept your apology. Also, I brought wine."

"You’re not going to die. You’re going to live forever in my heart… and possibly in a cryogenic chamber."

"I didn’t say it wasn’t romantic. I said it was irrational."

"I like trains, Leonard. I like trains a lot."

"I don’t know why I even try. You’re impossible!" "No, I’m not. In fact, I’m quite possible. I exist."

"We agreed: no relationship talk during The Flash!"

"You’re not a little weird. You’re a lot weird. And I like that about you."

"My mother says swearing is a sign of a limited vocabulary." "Your mother also thinks the Internet is a government conspiracy."

"I’m not getting dressed up to blend in with a bunch of people drinking beer and throwing balls into holes."

"I have a set list of people I can rely on in an emergency. You’re not on it."

"I have a nap schedule!"

"I’m not upset. I’m just experiencing elevated levels of stress hormones."

"I don’t understand why people keep saying ‘no big deal.’ There are plenty of big deals out there."

"I have a spot. If someone else sits there, then I’m sitting in an incorrect spot."

"I declare this couch the property of the Sheldon Cooper Foundation."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Knock knock." "Sheldon, go away!"

"I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested."

"I require a minimum of eight hours of sleep per night. Fewer than seven and I’m basically an evil toddler."

"If I were any more intelligent, I’d have to worship myself as a god."

"I may not be able to speak to women, but I can sing to them!"

"I went to space! I beat Neil Armstrong!"

"My mother still picks out my underwear. She says no woman will ever love me as much as she does."

"I’m not a nerd. I’m a theoretical astrophysicist."

"I don’t need a shrink. I have Twitter."

"I’m like Batman, except I’m not rich, and I fight boredom instead of crime."

"I’m not saying I invented the telescope, but I was there when it happened."

"I don’t have a girlfriend. I have a female friend who occasionally lets me touch her."

"I can’t believe I used to be afraid of girls. Now I’m just afraid of my mother-in-law."

"I wear a suit every day. It’s called being prepared for success."

"I don’t need therapy. I have a robot wife."

"I didn’t lose my voice. I gave it to the silence gods."

"Oh, honey, you don’t need to impress me. I already think you’re the smartest guy in the world."

"I don’t know what a positron is, but I know it’s not good when it leaves your body."

"You’re not allowed to use logic to win arguments with me. That’s my rule."

"I don’t need a PhD to know that you’re all a bunch of dorks."

"Sometimes I worry that I’m not smart enough for you. Then I remember you can’t open a ketchup packet."

"I don’t care how smart you are. If you can’t change a tire, you’re useless."

"Love is messy. But so is quantum physics, and you seem to handle that just fine."

"I don’t know what a tachyon is, but I bet it’s not as cool as a margarita."

"You guys are like little children. Except smarter and less fun."

"I may not understand string theory, but I know when you’re lying."

"You don’t have to be a genius to know that you’re amazing."

"I don’t need science to tell me you’re my favorite person."

"I’m not crazy. My mother had me tested."

"I’m not insane. I’m just not normal."

"I’m not wearing pants. It’s Talk Like a Pirate Day!"

"I’m not watching Doctor Who. I’m reading a paper on quantum decoherence."

"I don’t play video games. I conquer them."

"I don’t collect comic books. I curate a historical archive of American mythology."

"I’m not obsessed. I’m passionate."

"I don’t need Facebook. I have three friends. I see them every day."

"I’m not hiding from life. I’m optimizing my environment."

"I don’t need a lightsaber. I have tenure."

"I’m not antisocial. I’m selectively social."

"I don’t watch reality TV. I live in one."

"I’m not good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

"Friendship is a bond that transcends species, planetary origin, and even hygiene standards."

"I realize that friendship is important, but I don’t have time for it right now."

"I may not understand emotions, but I recognize their existence."

"I care about you. I don’t know why, but I do."

"I don’t need to hug you. I express affection through precise verbal affirmations."

"I’m not saying I love you. I’m saying I’ve grown accustomed to your presence."

"I don’t do well with change. But for you, I’ll try."

"You’re not just a roommate. You’re a designated emergency contact."

"I don’t need therapy. I have you."

"I don’t know how to be vulnerable. But I’m standing here, aren’t I?"

"I’m not expressing emotion. I’m reporting observational data."

"I’m not arguing, I’m explaining why I’m right."

"I’m not passive-aggressive. I’m just aggressive in a socially acceptable way."

"I don’t make jokes. I make observations that others find amusing."

"I don’t need a hypothesis. I have facts."

"I don’t fail experiments. I discover new ways not to do things."

"I don’t need peer review. I have self-validation."

"I don’t collaborate. I supervise."

"I don’t get nervous. I experience heightened cognitive arousal."

"I don’t panic. I initiate emergency protocols."

"I don’t make mistakes. I create unexpected outcomes."

"I don’t need a lab partner. I have a whiteboard."

"I don’t argue with colleagues. I correct misconceptions."

"My mother prays for me every day. Mostly that I’ll be struck by lightning and become normal."

"My father left when I was eleven. Best thing he ever did for me."

"My brother is a minister. I’m the black sheep of the family—literally, I’m the only one with dark hair."

"My mother calls me every Sunday. It’s like church, but with more guilt."

"I don’t visit my parents. I send money and demand updates."

"My mom still packs my lunches when I visit. Even though I’m 35."

"Family game night? More like family-induced trauma night."

"I don’t celebrate holidays. I tolerate them."

"My mother says I’m too picky. I told her I prefer the term ‘discriminating.’"

"I don’t need therapy. I have childhood memories."

"My parents didn’t hug me. They checked my homework."

"I don’t miss home. I miss my spot on the couch."

"I’m not strange. I’m scientifically curious."

"Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after me."

"I don’t fit in. I stand out."

"Being brilliant isn’t everything. But it helps."

"I don’t need approval. I have data."

"They laughed at Einstein. Then they studied him."

"I’m not antisocial. I’m pre-social."

"I don’t follow trends. I predict them."

"Normal is an illusion. What’s normal for a spider is chaos for a fly."

"I don’t care what you think. I care what the evidence says."

"I’m not weird. I’m limited edition."

"If you’re not failing, you’re not trying hard enough."