100+ Best Sheldon Cooper Quotes from The Big Bang Theory | Ultimate Collection

"I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested."

"In science, the truth is slowly discovered. In religion, it's shouted from the rooftops by someone named Dave who found a piece of toast that looked like Jesus."

"I have a brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to move my feet?"

"Gravitational waves are the ripples in the curvature of spacetime… unlike Penny’s understanding of basic physics."

"Dark matter accounts for approximately 27% of the universe. And I account for approximately 100% of this apartment’s intellectual rigor."

"Evolution is a well-supported theory explaining the diversity of life through natural selection."

"The speed of light is constant in all reference frames. Unlike Leonard’s commitment to personal hygiene."

"Quantum mechanics is what happens when observation changes reality. Much like when Penny observes me eating her yogurt."

"String theory posits that all particles are one-dimensional strings vibrating at different frequencies. Like Howard whining."

"The Large Hadron Collider may unlock secrets of the universe. Or just give scientists cool explosions. Either way, fascinating."

"Newtonian physics works fine until you start approaching the speed of light. Or dealing with Penny’s driving."

"Entropy increases in a closed system. Just like the chaos when Leonard invites people over without warning."

"Why do you knock? It doesn’t stop me from doing anything!"

"I’m not insane, my mother had me tested."

"I don’t understand the obligation to celebrate an individual’s existence with confectionery."

"Friendship is a mutual agreement to tolerate each other’s idiosyncrasies."

"Small talk should be illegal. It’s conversationally lazy."

"I once spent 45 minutes explaining sarcasm to my Meemaw. She never got it."

"Hugs are just extended handshakes with unnecessary torso contact."

"I don’t ‘hang out.’ I designate time for social interaction under strict parameters."

"I find eye contact uncomfortable unless I’m correcting someone’s math."

"Applause is just noise. Unless it’s for me solving a differential equation."

"I don’t do pity gifts. If you’re sad, solve the problem, don’t eat cake."

"People say ‘How are you?’ and don’t want the answer. That’s dishonest."

"I’m not arrogant. I’m intelligent."

"I’m not bragging. I’m informing. There’s a difference."

"I’m like a coiled rattlesnake of intellect."

"If brains were dynamite, I wouldn’t have enough to blow my nose."

"I’m not conceited. I’m convinced."

"I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room."

"I’m not smarter than you. You’re just less smart than me."

"My IQ is so high, I can’t even measure it on standard tests."

"I’ve memorized the periodic table. Not because I need to, but because it amuses me."

"I’m not better than you. I’m just right. You’re wrong."

"I don’t make mistakes. I occasionally miscalculate."

"I’m not a nerd. I’m a theoretical physicist. There’s a dress code."

"Bazinga isn’t a real word. I just say it to confuse people."

"You said we’d be back in five minutes. It’s been seven. I feel betrayed."

"If I’m ‘pulling a Sheldon,’ does that mean everyone else is now intellectually superior?"

"I don’t understand metaphors. They’re lies with extra steps."

"When you said ‘break a leg,’ I considered the biomechanical implications."

"I don’t get idioms. Why would anyone want to ‘spill the beans’? Beans are nutritious."

"‘It’s raining cats and dogs’? That would be a terrible ecological disaster."

"I took ‘hit the books’ literally once. My GPA didn’t improve."

"‘Let’s table this discussion’—does that mean we put it on a table? Which one?"

"I still don’t know what ‘the elephant in the room’ means. Is there an actual pachyderm?"

"‘Jump the shark’—was there a marine mammal involved in television history?"

"I once asked Raj if he wanted to ‘blow off steam.’ He looked terrified."

"This is the worst thing to happen since antimatter was discovered!"

"I demand to speak to the manager of the universe!"

"This is an outrage! A travesty! A violation of basic spatial justice!"

"Someone moved my spot! I have a documented routine!"

"The mere suggestion that I share a bathroom with someone who uses the shower curtain as a barrier is offensive!"

"I will not sit in a chair that hasn’t been cleaned with industrial-grade disinfectant!"

"Changing the Wi-Fi password without notifying me is an act of digital terrorism!"

"I refuse to participate in any activity that involves blindfolds or trust falls!"

"The idea that I should ‘just relax’ is medically unsound!"

"I will not be subjected to unapproved sensory stimuli!"

"This level of incompetence borders on criminal negligence!"

"I’ve written a strongly worded letter to the Nobel Committee about this!"

"You’re not my friend. You’re my roommate. Although I suppose that’s the same thing."

"I don’t need friends. I’ve got experiments."

"I may not show it, but I do care. In a strictly logical way."

"If you die, who will help me calibrate my equipment?"

"I tolerate you because your presence marginally improves my quality of life."

"I brought you soup. Don’t make a big deal out of it."

"I saved you a seat. It’s next to mine. Obviously."

"I don’t understand why people leave their friends. Friends are useful."

"You’re the closest thing I have to a best friend. By default."

"I don’t express emotions well. But I did bring you a napkin."

"I don’t hug. But for you, I’ll consider a high-five. With gloves."

"If you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it. But I value our friendship."

"I’m a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains. I’m not sure how that helps with women."

"Love is a chemical reaction designed to make us reproduce. Disgusting, really."

"I’m not interested in romance. I have enough variables in my equations."

"Amy is not my girlfriend. She’s a woman who meets me for breakfast on Thursdays."

"I agreed to a relationship because it seemed more efficient than pretending I wasn’t lonely."

"Kissing is just the exchange of bodily fluids. I prefer hand sanitizer."

"I don’t do jealousy. It’s an irrational response to perceived competition."

"We’ve established a mutually beneficial emotional partnership. Call it love if you must."

"I don’t understand Valentine’s Day. Isn’t every day an opportunity to optimize interpersonal dynamics?"

"I proposed to Amy because the data supported long-term compatibility."

"I may not say ‘I love you’ often. But I do calculate your importance daily."

"Romance is inefficient. But Amy brings cookies. So I allow it."

"I’m not insane. My mother had me tested. Also, I own a Green Lantern ring."

"I wear a Flash T-shirt because speed is relative, but fashion sense is absolute."

"I don’t watch TV. Except Star Trek. That’s educational."

"I don’t collect comics. I curate a historical archive of American mythology."

"I’ve seen every episode of Battlestar Galactica. Twice. For research."

"Doctor Who is a scientifically plausible narrative involving time dilation and paradoxes."

"I don’t play video games. I simulate complex systems in a virtual environment."

"I cosplay as Professor Proton because it’s method acting."

"I don’t go to Comic-Con. I’m usually invited as a guest of honor."

"Lightsabers violate several laws of thermodynamics. But they’re still cool."

"I don’t believe in superheroes. Except Superman. He’s basically a solar-powered alien."

"I don’t collect action figures. I preserve cultural artifacts."

"Bazinga."

"I’m not trying to change the world. I’m just telling it how to conform to my standards."

"I’m not ignoring you. I’m prioritizing my thoughts."

"I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right."

"I’m not late. The others are early."

"I’m not stubborn. I’m persistently correct."

"I’m not cold. I’m thermally efficient."

"I’m not weird. I’m a limited edition."

"I don’t need anger management. I need everyone else to be perfect."

"I’m not passive-aggressive. I’m passively accurate."

"I don’t hold grudges. I remember facts."

"I’m not obsessive. I’m detail-oriented to the point of pathology."

"The only constant in the universe is change… and my spot on the couch."

"Sometimes you have to compromise. But only after exhausting all other options."

"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere."

"Being right is its own reward. Though recognition is appreciated."

"Fear is just the anticipation of negative outcomes. Most of which are avoidable."

"Growth requires discomfort. But so does sitting on a wet towel."

"You can’t always get what you want. But you can demand it in writing."

"Patience is a virtue. But efficiency is a law of physics."

"Kindness is acceptable, as long as it doesn’t interfere with productivity."

"Even geniuses need second opinions. Preferably from other geniuses."

"Rules exist for a reason. But so do loopholes."

"You don’t have to be like everyone else to belong. But it helps with group discounts."