100+ Best Borat Movie Quotes: Hilarious & Iconic Lines You Need to Know

"In Kazakhstan, we have tradition: if man touch goat, he must marry goat."

"I no understand why American men wear hats indoors. Is sign of mental illness?"

"Why you Americans eat food with hands like monkeys? Where spoons?"

"In my country, television newsman wrestle each other after broadcast."

"You drive on wrong side of road! In Kazakhstan, we punish bad drivers by feeding to wolves."

"Why your toilets flush upward? Is this witchcraft?"

"In Kazakhstan, women not allowed in library. Too distracting for readers."

"You celebrate birthday with cake? In Kazakhstan, we sacrifice cow to honor age."

"Why do you park cars on lawns? Are they sacred?"

"Your supermarkets have 50 kinds of cereal? In Kazakhstan, we have one: crushed hope."

"You let dogs sleep in beds? In my village, dogs are dinner!"

"Why do Americans say 'have a nice day' when clearly day is already ruined?"

"You look like fish who evolved into man, but forgot to stop swimming."

"Your face like potato left in sun too long."

"You not stupid — you just have bad luck with thinking."

"Your brain smaller than walnut in squirrel’s breakfast."

"If ignorance was Olympic sport, you win gold with broken neck."

"You smell like feet of dead man who wore shoes too long."

"Even your mirror turn away in shame."

"You not qualify as human under Kazakh law."

"Your mother so ugly, even cockroaches flee her presence."

"You give new meaning to phrase 'failed experiment in evolution'."

"Your IQ lower than room temperature in winter."

"You so boring, even internet refuse to load your personality."

"In Kazakhstan, we execute politicians who lie. Here, you elect them."

"Your democracy very strong — it survive despite all your voters."

"I support war on terror. Also war on vegetables, weak men, and jazz."

"America say freedom important, but only if you rich and white."

"Your president chosen by magic machines that break every Tuesday."

"Democracy work best when people too dumb to notice they being fooled."

"In my country, propaganda fun. Here, you call it news."

"You proud of freedom? Even your birds in cages sing national anthem."

"Your two-party system like choosing between two flavors of sadness."

"Elections decided by money, not votes. Just like Kazakh elections — but quieter."

"Freedom of speech great — until someone say truth about rich people."

"Your leaders corrupt, greedy, and bald. But at least they consistent."

"Women belong in kitchen, barn, or small box under stairs."

"In Kazakhstan, we sell wives at auction. Highest bidder gets nagging rights."

"Marriage simple: man say 'you mine,' woman say 'yes master,' then fight for 40 years."

"American women too loud. In my country, we silence them with soup."

"Love based on mutual respect? No — love based on fear and occasional gifts."

"Feminism dangerous idea. Next thing you know, women want pants!"

"Best way to impress woman? Show her your collection of toenail clippings."

"Romance dead in America. People text 'I love you' while watching TikTok."

"Sex education should be replaced with mating rituals of wild boars."

"Divorce expensive. Better to bury wife in backyard and pretend she moved to Canada."

"True love measured in how many goats you willing to trade."

"Women not designed for thinking. That’s why heads so small."

"In Kazakhstan, we pray to goat god. He listen better than your Jesus."

"Churches too quiet. In my country, worship include drumming and screaming."

"You believe Bible? I believe Bigfoot, but I still check behind trees."

"God created man in his image. Then man created God in image of angry uncle."

"Prayer good, but sacrifice of neighbor’s chicken more effective."

"All religions same: make up story, collect money, tell people what not to eat."

"Faith strong in America. Especially faith in guns and fast food."

"I baptized in river with three frogs and one confused duck."

"Holy book say 'thou shalt not kill' — unless it’s Wednesday, then maybe."

"Your preachers smile too much. In my village, smiling during sermon punishable."

"Spirituality best achieved through fermented horse milk."

"I tried meditation. Lasted 3 seconds before I wanted to punch monk."

"I once ate entire wedding cake because I thought bride inside."

"I keep teeth of enemies in jar labeled 'snacks'."

"I trained squirrels to steal wallets. They unionized. Now demand nuts."

"I sold my brother for six chickens and DVD player."

"I believe moon made of cheese. NASA hiding truth with lasers."

"I bathe once a year — in blood of fallen ox. Tradition."

"I told people I diplomat. Real job: official butt scratcher for Prime Minister."

"I cry during car commercials. Something about loyalty speaks to me."

"I tried yoga. Master said my soul too heavy for downward dog."

"I write love letters to microwave. She understands me."

"I stole flag from Congress. Now use as picnic blanket. Very soft."

"I believe I am last descendant of secret royal potato family."

"You eat meat between bread? In Kazakhstan, we call that 'poverty'."

"Why you need 30 types of mustard? One for each sin?"

"Americans exercise on machines that go nowhere. Like life."

"You pay money to sit in gym and sweat? In my country, prison free."

"Your coffee cost more than house in small village. Is black water!"

"You take photo of food before eating? Is it going to run away?"

"You have holiday for giving thanks, then immediately buy things you don’t need."

"Your pets dressed better than my cousins. And smarter."

"You talk to devices like they family. My phone never called me 'daddy'."

"You pay therapist to listen? In Kazakhstan, we pay people to leave."

"Your houses have rooms nobody uses. We call those 'tombs'."

"You put ice in drinks even when cold outside. Madness."

"Success come to those who stand in front of moving train of opportunity."

"Dream big. Then sacrifice small animal to ensure dream not haunted."

"Failure good teacher. Also makes excellent fertilizer."

"If you fall, get up. If you cannot get up, roll toward nearest snack."

"No pain, no gain. Unless you rich — then pain optional."

"Believe in yourself. Even if self is mistaken and smells of cabbage."

"Work hard. Sleep less. Die earlier. Such is path of champion."

"Greatness not given. Greatness taken with fire and confusion."

"Fear failure. But fear mediocrity more. It contagious."

"Be like tree: stand tall, drop leaves on others, attract squirrels."

"Leadership means pointing and yelling 'follow me' while running wrong way."

"Always carry shovel. For digging, or convincing people you busy."

"I am part fish. Can prove with wet socks and sad eyes."

"Sun rises because I yell at it every morning."

"Gravity not real. I just heavy in spirit."

"I invented Internet. Sold idea to Americans for bag of Cheetos."

"Clouds are sky’s dandruff. Scientists afraid to admit."

"Time not linear. It spiral, like snake eating own nonsense."

"I speak fluent dolphin. They say oceans taste salty due to human tears."

"My shadow older than me. It remember dinosaurs."

"Rainbows are lies. Real colors underground with worms."

"I once won staring contest against statue. It blinked first."

"The wind whispers secrets. Mostly about laundry and regret."

"I do not age. I accumulate wisdom and stains."

"Very nice!"

"High five!"

"My wife very sexy. But not as sexy as your wife."

"In Soviet Kazakhstan, toilet paper scratch back."

"Is not problem! Is solution with different name."

"I like you. Not in homosexual way. In business way."

"This is finest moment of my life, besides execution of brother."

"Welcome to New York, greatest city in world — except Moscow and Toronto."

"I come to United States to learn. Also to steal technology and beautiful women."

"Kazakhstan number 1 exporter of: borax, sadness, and strongmen."

"I am not racist. I hate all people equally."

"For great justice!"