George Carlin, a name synonymous with sharp wit, insight, and the ability to make us laugh while confronting society's issues head-on. His comedic brilliance is immortalized, not just for laughs, but for the truths he presented and the contemplations he inspired. This article presents a curated collection of his memorable quotes categorized under ten thematic subtitles, each highlighting his unique perspective on different facets of life, society, politics, and human nature. Each section provides 12 quotes that showcase Carlin's ability to cut through the mundane and reveal deeper truths wrapped in humor. Readers are invited to explore these quotes to better understand Carlin's viewpoint and appreciate the impact of his comedic genius.
Quotes About Society
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."
"It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept."
"I learned the value of hard work by working hard."
"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."
"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."
"How is it possible to have a civil war?"
"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit."
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it."
"Religion is just mind control."
Quotes on Politics
"Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."
"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."
"If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders."
"The word bipartisan means some larger-than-usual deception is happening."
"We’ve got a gang of clueless nitwits who call their hackneyed web of lies 'politics'."
"The planet is fine. The people are f***ed!"
"Governments don’t want a population capable of critical thinking."
"The government doesn’t take your opinions seriously. Why should you take theirs?"
"Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read."
"'It's a big club, and you ain't in it.'"
"People are not criticizing the government because they disagree; they criticize because they fear the truth."
"Politicians, all politicians, are as useless as tits on a bull."
Quotes on Language
"I don’t have pet peeves, I have major psychotic hatreds."
"Some people see things that are and ask, why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that."
"When you think about it, attention-deficit disorder makes a lot of sense. We don’t pay attention to anything anymore."
"I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed."
"‘Bipartisan’ usually means a larger than usual deception is happening."
"A language became a dialect when its speaker regains control."
"Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?"
"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it."
"There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past."
"I think of an English lady giving birth to a child with a manicurist permanently positioned at the edge of her bed. The child is named ‘Proper Percy’ and lives a life untroubled by public labor strikes."
"If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."
Quotes on Humor
"Most people with low self-esteem have earned it."
"If it's true that God made us in his image being nothing but a group of a**holes is probably the most comforting thought there is."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"Life is hard; it’s even harder if you're stupid."
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
"Electricity is really just organized lightning."
"People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think."
"Trying is the first step to failure."
"The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance."
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part."
Quotes on Life
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."
"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."
"Some people try to pick up girls, and get called a d**khead. How would you describe your act?"
"Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town."
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
"The status quo sucks."
"Life is a series of dogs."
"When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat."
"There’s no such thing as writer’s block. You know what? It’s just a phone call or two into National Security."
"If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have my pen."
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
"Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist."
Quotes on Human Nature
"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."
"The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions."
"People laugh when you say 'I am a loyalist', until they meet loyal men."
"Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll be too busy fishing to care about being fed."
"Stressed spelled backwards is desserts."
"The larger the group, the lower the IQ."
"You can’t just yell 'Charge!' into the money phone for everything."
"The future will soon be a thing of the past."
"If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten"
"If honesty is the best policy, let’s mislead them all"
"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people"
"Politicians, all politicians are useless"
Quotes on Religion
"One can’t be free when chained down by doctrine"
"Religion is mind control"
"It’s about time you embraced atheism"
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"
"Prayer is a divine wifi connection"
"Bypass logic, and call spirituality"
"And I’m out of my depth wading through religious texts"
"Why is the person who donates to charity termed a ‘fool’"
"Religion is a defense against negative thoughts"
"Disbelieve as much as you can"
"I’d rather trust angels than priests"
"Religion hides behind the guise of ‘calm’"
Quotes on Technology and Media
"The less content you have, the louder your broadcast"
"Not everything on TV is as it appears"
"Change machine, I put a dollar in, nothing changed"
"‘Reality’ TV owns nothing ‘real’"
"The worst damage is done by misaligning the satellite"
"Everybody seems to make it through collapsed servers"
"Why can’t they use two different words to describe the same feeling?"
"It’s not content, it’s 'Noise'"
"Most are a superfluous ‘reality’"
"Take note that cartoons air before broadcasts"
"You gotta wonder about tech's supposed ‘future’"
"I think social media could be useful"
Quotes on Life Philosophy
"Everyone’s running away from their dream,";
"Society ostracizes those who dream"
"Suppressing disappointment breeds abstruse souls"
"Run from dish to dish"
"The existential motivator is avoiding irrelevance"
"People rush past freedom"
"Hope is the currency of those who dream";
"Conflict chooses no boundaries"
"Immerse yourself in moments";
"One must choose their unchosen destiny"
"Amass reflections confronting equality"
"Build an empire out of extinguishable sincerity"
Quotes with Insight and Wisdom
"Life is a liar"
"The harshest of ‘words’ do have weight"
"Wisdom balances power"
"They are kings villians what they become";
"Be silent when creativity calls"
"Butcher wisdom, fortitude earns strength"
"Mislead, judge for insanity"
"Every ‘thought’ that rises breeds malice at the periphery"
"Review the unfair light’s premise"
"Mistake and ignorance can mean change"
"Be curious";
"When is wisdom ultimately measured?"
Final words
George Carlin's legacy endures through his words, challenging audiences to question norms and cherish humor amidst life's complexities, providing wisdom that remains relevant across generations. His quotes serve as a reminder that humor is a powerful tool for igniting change. By examining his thoughts, the reader can gain insight into Carlin's profound understanding of human nature, society, and the world we live in. Carlin's ability to intertwine truth with humor, crafting messages that resonate, showcases the strength of comedy as a medium for examining life’s truths. Ultimately, Carlin's legacy persists, urging us all to remain engaged thinkers, ready to laugh at the absurdities we encounter and, perhaps, to change them.
浙公网安备
33010002000092号
浙B2-20120091-4