100+ Hilarious Dolly Parton Funny Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

“I’m not gonna starve myself to look good. I’d rather be fat and funny.”

“It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

“I did it all on purpose. I’ve got more curves than a mountain road.”

“If you see something bad, don’t look at it. Look at me instead—I’m worse.”

“I wear high heels because I’m not through with high school yet.”

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”

“I’m proud of my figure—it took years to grow.”

“I never worried about what people thought. I just wanted to be happy and make others laugh.”

“You can’t please everybody, and you can’t saddle a cow.”

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.”

“I’m like a blow-up doll—only I blow myself up.”

“Somebody said I was built like a brick shithouse. I said, ‘Honey, I *am* a brick shithouse.’”

“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.”

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor—and rich is better.”

“I’m so rich I can’t count it, but I keep trying.”

“I’ve got so much money I don’t know what to do with it—so I keep spending it.”

“Fame is like being married to a foreigner—you don’t always understand it, but you enjoy the benefits.”

“I don’t care if people think I’m fake—as long as they pay cash.”

“I’m not impressed by wealth. But I am impressed by how well it looks on me.”

“I didn’t get rich by being shy.”

“I’m not greedy—I just want everything.”

“I’ve made more money from wigs than most women make from work.”

“Success is the best revenge—especially when it’s expensive.”

“I don’t flaunt my money—I drape it over my shoulders.”

“Love is like a butterfly—it lands where it wants to.”

“If you want a committed relationship, buy a dog.”

“I’m still waiting for Mr. Right. But I won’t mind if Mr. Wrong shows up first.”

“Marriage is great—it teaches you who you really hate.”

“I’ve had my heart broken so many times, I should charge admission.”

“A man who can’t dance usually can’t do anything else right either.”

“I’d rather have a man who can cook than one who can sing.”

“True love is finding someone who likes your crazy as much as you do.”

“I don’t need a knight in shining armor—I need a mechanic with a sense of humor.”

“Romance is great, but so is room service.”

“I believe in love at first sight—especially if he’s paying.”

“My ideal date? Someone who brings wine, leaves quietly, and calls the next day.”

“I’m not intimidated by smart people—I just hire them.”

“Workin’ 9 to 5, what a way to make a livin’—but I prefer 8 to 6 with overtime.”

“I’ve never gotten anything out of life without working for it—even my figure.”

“If you see me lying down, I’m either tired or dead—either way, don’t bother me.”

“I don’t believe in overworking—but I do believe in overachieving.”

“The only thing better than singing for a living is getting paid for it.”

“I started with nothing and still have most of it left.”

“I don’t procrastinate—I just start later than I planned.”

“If you’re going to dream, dream big—preferably with a contract.”

“I’ve worked harder for my money than anyone I know—except maybe Scrooge McDuck.”

“Opportunity knocks, but sometimes you have to kick the door in.”

“I’m not lazy—I’m just conserving energy for something important, like shopping.”

“I’m not getting older, I’m getting better.”

“Age is just a number—and mine is unlisted.”

“I’ve earned every wrinkle—and I charge extra for them.”

“Old age is like everything else—nothing works the way it used to.”

“I’m not afraid of aging—I invented it.”

“Growing old ain’t for sissies—but I’m no sissy.”

“I may be wrinkled, but I’m still worth looking at.”

“The older I get, the fewer people impress me.”

“I don’t need a facelift—I need a nap.”

“Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age arrives alone.”

“I’ve lived long enough to know what matters—and what doesn’t fit in my closet.”

“They say youth is wasted on the young. I say sequins are wasted on the shy.”

“If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me—I’ll laugh for you.”

“Life is like a rollercoaster—screaming helps.”

“I smile because I’ve got nothing to hide—except my bank balance.”

“Laughing keeps you young—especially if you’re laughing at someone else’s expense.”

“I don’t get mad—I get even, and then I tell a joke about it.”

“A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men.”

“I’ve got a great sense of humor—especially about myself.”

“If you can’t be kind, at least be entertaining.”

“I believe in laughing through tears—keeps the mascara from running.”

“Humor is the glue that holds my life together—along with Spanx.”

“Never take life too seriously—nobody gets out alive anyway.”

“I’ve survived everything—mostly because I laughed instead of cried.”

“I dress like a million bucks—even when I only have ten.”

“Clothes make the woman—mine make a statement: ‘Look at me!’”

“I’ve got more glitter than a disco ball—and I shine brighter.”

“If I’m overdressed, it’s only because everyone else is underdressed.”

“My fashion sense? If it sparkles, fits tight, and makes noise when I walk—it’s mine.”

“I don’t follow trends—I start them, usually by tripping in high heels.”

“Wigs are cheaper than therapy—and they come in more colors.”

“I’ve worn more rhinestones than most countries have people.”

“Fashion fades, but flair is forever.”

“I’ve got so many outfits, my closet has its own zip code.”

“People say I’m flashy. I say I’m just easier to find in a crowd.”

“If you can’t stand the sparkle, stay out of my dressing room.”

“Don’t get ready—stay ready.”

“Dream big and dare to fail.”

“I’m a success today because I had a dream and worked my butt off.”

“Success is doing what you love and loving what you do.”

“I’ve got a positive attitude and a negative bank account—that’s how I started.”

“The way I see it, if you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way.”

“I didn’t climb the ladder of success—I danced up it in stilettos.”

“I’ve got ambition like a junkyard dog—hungry and loud.”

“I wasn’t born with a silver spoon—I had to steal forks.”

“Success isn’t luck—it’s hard work, perseverance, and believing in yourself.”

“I’ve made every mistake possible—so you don’t have to.”

“I’m not lucky—I’m prepared and persistent.”

“Family is not just blood—it’s loyalty and love.”

“I come from poor people who loved each other—that’s real wealth.”

“I may live in the spotlight, but my heart’s in the holler.”

“My family taught me to work hard, be kind, and never miss a meal.”

“I’ve got twelve brothers and sisters—so I learned early how to fight and share.”

“No matter how famous I get, I’m still just a girl from Tennessee.”

“Home is where the heart is—even if it’s covered in rhinestones.”

“I carry my family with me in everything I do.”

“My mama said, ‘Be true to who you are’—so I added glitter.”

“I didn’t forget where I came from—I send money there every month.”

“Roots keep you grounded—even when you’re flying high.”

“I’m proud of my past—it made me who I am, sequins and all.”

“The biggest reward in life is making someone else happy.”

“I’ve tried to live my life in such a way that when I get to heaven, God will say, ‘Well done.’”

“Kindness is free—so spend it like you’re rich.”

“I’ve given away millions—but the best gift is time.”

“If you see someone without a smile, give ’em yours.”

“Giving back is not charity—it’s responsibility.”

“I measure my success by how many lives I’ve touched.”

“We need less drama and more dimes in the donation jar.”

“I believe in helping others—not because it’s expected, but because it feels right.”

“Even a small act of kindness can ripple out forever.”

“I’ve got a heart full of love and pockets full of change.”

“The world would be better if we all gave a little more and judged a little less.”