Erma Bombeck, the brilliant humorist and writer, left behind a treasure trove of quotes that touch on the intricacies of everyday life with warmth, wit, and wisdom. This article delves into ten themed subtitles featuring twelve Bombeck quotes each. Let’s explore her insight on life's humorous quirks, family life, and the many paradoxes we all encounter. From embracing imperfections to cherishing moments with loved ones, her words have resonated across generations. Erma’s quotes not only offer laughter but also gentle reminders of what truly matters. Read on to immerse yourself in her wisdom and humor, and see how her keen observations can illuminate our modern lives.
Embracing Life's Humor: Quotes to Make You Laugh
“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”
“The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”
“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
“You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness.”
“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society.”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“I’m trying very hard to understand the meaning of ‘virtue’ — it isn’t easy.”
“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”
Family Life: Quotes on Parenting and Relationships
“When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”
“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.”
“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.”
“I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing. Thinking back on it, she must have occasionally wanted to scream bloody murder—from the washing machine.”
“It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.”
“The special relationship between twins makes them unusual creatures; I find it interesting that two individuals are genetically programmed to find each other amusing, engaging, and to protect each other—and all this for life.”
“It is here, in the heart where the world’s greatest decisions are made.”
“I loved being a mother. There are several moments that came to mind, none of which were because I was a good mother.”
“My children have succeeded in doing what the parent failure videos never could possibly capture: the genuine patience and love only exasperating can inspire.”
“I have a theory that awe can overcome authority.”
The Intricacies of Daily Life: Quotes that Resonate
“One thing they never tell you about child-rearing is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you will be ready to take in your own child—it’s the psychology of motherhood.”
“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
“The world’s not perfect, kid; sometimes we have to find beauty next to disaster.”
“My mother always said it was worth the time to polish the china—and I loved her until I became a mother and realized the time was better spent loving my children.”
“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
“Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.”
“I have seen my children’s success most powerfully displayed in how I have failed to ruin their futures.”
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
“Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.”
“It takes courage to celebrate the ordinary—the little dramas that sustain us and make our dreams of what can be sweet.”
“Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.”
“Everyone is going to die, only a small percentage faces the prospect with simplicity, eagerness, and confidence.”
Cherishing Moments: Quotes on Love and Memories
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
“Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.”
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’”
“Birthdays are merely tells attached to our lives with lavea—ones that note how cheerfully, and how painfully, we’ve branded time.”
“You have to admit. That thought had crossed my mind all along until my child stood before me, and I knew perfection was actually humanly possible.”
“It’s embarrassing the number of times I’ve found my decisions questionable, not because they didn’t work, but because they did.”
“Something in me finds it special to say ‘I love you’ when I’m delighted about something, because I trust it sticks.”
“My children believe me immortal, but despite my best efforts, it seems human error has stepped in.”
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself—and especially to feel.”
“Memories are the architecture of our identity; as fragile and resilient, memorable and forgettable, as one is apt to change.”
“Time grows more friendly the longer we live, not because we have more of it, but because we know how to use it.”
“When God created mothers, He gave us hearts to match the hours young children need, so often beyond the limits of what is naturally possible.”
On Facing Challenges: Quotes to Inspire
“Worry is like a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
“Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed wondering if it's too late to do the things I didn’t dare to explore, and then I remember—as long as I breathe and have purposes yet to be met, it’s never too late.”
“The hardest thing out of math class was to understand the definition of perseverance—not because I didn’t understand it, but because defining it didn’t help me develop it.”
“Turn off the TV if it doesn’t stimulate you; turn on the radio if it does. Simplicity is deciding how we prioritize what’s on in life.”
“It is the impartial hand of time that reads our commitment to fulfill the things we’ve promised to do today.”
“Being ordinary isn't the enemy; being forgettable is.”
“I'd like to think that somewhere in the universe is the dream we lived.”
“Success follows most reliably the path cleared by commitment and failure.”
“It isn’t the easiest life, but often our lives are enriched most by what stretches us beyond our comfort zones. Imagine that.”
“The best compliments are the ones you give yourself.”
“I think ‘not trying’ fails us. It doesn’t matter what we’re trying—it matters that we do.”
“I should have used what talent I had in the smallest acts too, instead of saving it for something better.”
Light-Hearted Observations: Quotes on Everyday Joys
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“I’m trying very hard to understand the meaning of ‘virtue’—it isn’t easy.”
“The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy.”
“The truly alarming things in life are never the ones you anticipate.”
“Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.”
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”
“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society.”
“You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness.”
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
Aging Gracefully: Quotes on Maturity and Wisdom
“There are no guarantees in marriage. But there is a guarantee that comes with wrapping your presence with a love that knows the value of aging together.”
“Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.”
“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.”
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
“Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”
“I had to ask myself if maybe the Creator didn’t have kingdoms to conquer, and so that’s why he populated this earth with people of humor and frailty.”
“I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white guy would come into my neighborhood after dark.”
“The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.”
“All of us have moments in our lives when we stumble on the truth only to surprise ourselves with how well we’ve managed to dodge it.”
“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
“If you don’t cry when you forget your own truth, then you’ve finally become what you told yourself you’d never be.”
“There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.”
Endearing Imperfections: Quotes on Being Human
“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.”
“You have to love a nation that celebrates what humans can create, not destroy.”
“Someone once tossed a dictionary in the air— the pieces that fell into mud became humans. It is what happens.”
“Families are the gardens we tend, and the messes we sometimes combat.”
“My children have taught me more about enduring than anyone else’s children could.”
“Yes, everyone makes mistakes. Otherwise, mankind wouldn’t have looked around to see if someone was to blame.”
“I think my children have survived my worst parenting as fine self-sufficient adults.”
“Sometimes it takes laughter to remember our greater selves.”
“The greatest stories don’t have stunning vistas, but strained conclusions.”
“Our best vision often comes from our blurred moments.”
“I have been a mother for so long. Being one reminds me of the hidden beauty in my imperfections.”
“Anybody can become something better than they are, if they permit themselves to lose gracefully.”
Valuing Connection: Quotes on Friendship
“When we find a friend, it’s magic; add time and it's a miracle.”
“Really great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
“The world has seasonings like friendship, each too strong to dismiss, too potent to ignore.”
“Friendships are delicate as leaves. The best survive both sun and winter.”
“There are days you become best friends with your children—a moment cherished more than most.”
“While my accomplishments may fade, those who recognize me will call me on the phone to remind me.”
“Our dreams are more vibrant when shared with those we carry along.”
“Note this: our best assurances of support are granted through the gaze of friends.”
“You have to recall that a friend is the one who asks how you're doing, listens, and responds back.”
“Celebrations are not confined to holidays; sometimes, it’s those long Tuesday evenings that bind us most warmly.”
“Your words become song when echoed back by those you love most.”
“As mirrors go, friends are our best reflection.”
The Joyful Pursuit: Quotes on Living Fully
“You know you’ve lived fully when you’ve risked loving until you have nothing to lose.”
“Living means embracing both sunlight and shadow.”
“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”
“It awakened me to calm joy, the very presence of your heart in mine.”
“Someday is not a day of the week.”
“Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.”
“The more of me we are, the more alive and human we become.”
“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.”
“As long as you have a dream, you can’t age.”
“The quickest way to become acquainted with a subject is to write a book about it.”
“When we leave, it will be our questions and answers that linger most clearly.”
“I want to go joyfully, leaving behind excess baggage without worry.”
Final words
Erma Bombeck’s quotes continue to leave an indelible mark on anyone who encounters them, revealing her genius in illuminating life’s complexities with humor and heart. By capturing the everyday nuances and highlighting the joy in imperfections, Bombeck mastered the art of transforming mundane events into remarkable observations. Her legacy endures not just because of her wit, but because of the underlying truths about human nature and experiences. From nurturing relationships with family and friends to navigating life's simple, yet profound truths, her words encourage us to live authentically and wholeheartedly. We leave with a reminder of the power of laughter, love, and living fully—an essence that captures Bombeck’s spirit, urging us to face life’s challenges with resilience and humor. Let her words continue to be a source of comfort and joy, wherever your journey may lead.
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