Football, known as 'the beautiful game,' has provided countless moments of humor, wit, and entertainment both on and off the pitch. This article delves into funny football quotes which showcase the personalities behind the sport and capture the essence of football through the lens of humor. Each section offers a unique perspective, shedding light on the lighter side of football, be it players, managers, or pundits. So, prepare yourself for a fun-filled journey through the world of football quotes.
Player Quotes
"I couldn’t settle in Italy because every time I went out to eat, I'd end up getting pasta. It was like running around in circles." - Ian Rush
"I’d have given my right arm to play for England." - Paul Gascoigne
"Every time I went away I was deceiving my dad, I’d pretend I was going to school, but I'd go in the opposite direction." - Zinedine Zidane
"Sometimes in football, you have to score goals." - Thierry Henry
"Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win." - Vinny Jones
"I spent £90 on a tie and camera didn't catch it." - Alan Shearer
"The only time I open my mouth is to change feet." - Terry Venables
"I was a late developer at school, but on the competition front, I used to drive the teachers mad, because I came relaxed." - Paul Merson
"I don’t know whether I’m a good manager, but I think I’m a bloody good player." - Kenny Dalglish
"If you score an early goal, you become relaxed too early. So we decided to stay tense longer." - Jurgen Klopp
"Football is a game of mistakes. Whoever makes the fewest mistakes wins." - Johan Cruyff
"I’m not a defender of old or new football managers. I believe in good ones and bad ones, those who achieve success and those who don’t." - Vicente del Bosque
Manager Quotes
"We didn’t underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought." - Bobby Robson
"I told him once, 'You go out and play like that in the street and you’ll get run over!'" - Bill Shankly
"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip." - John Motson
"There's an old saying, 'It's better to give than to receive.' But what did Liverpool call theirs? Desperate charges." - Alan Hansen
"I’ve been trying to fit a comedy and soccer together every Thursday for fifty years, but they’ve never made me break down and cry." - Sir Alex Ferguson
"I wouldn’t say I’m the best manager, but I’m in the top one." - Brian Clough
"There are two ways of managing: Do nothing or do something." - Jose Mourinho
"You need big arms in goalkeeping, there is no point having 12-inch biceps." - Ron Atkinson
"It's a simple game. If you keep your eyes open you’ll uncover how many people don’t talk about it right." - Arsene Wenger
"Do you know which is the best nation in the world? Imagination." - Louis van Gaal
"People say football is life or death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that." - Kenny Dalglish
"We are really happy, but we are really unhappy that we couldn’t finish the game sooner." - Jurgen Klopp
Pundit Quotes
"If that ball had gone in, it would have been a goal." - Alan Parry
"If that had gone in, it would definitely have been a goal." - Bobby Charlton
"We don't want our players to be monks. We want them to be better football players because a monk does not play football at this level." - John Toshack
"They didn't change shape, each one stayed where he was and took control." - Mark Lawrenson
"Whether that was a good thing for the game is hard to define, but the jury will likely decide... well, they’re out." - Gary Lineker
"The news from Spain tonight is that David Beckham has broken his metatarsal. Although how it managed to reach the ground is a mystery to everyone." - George Hamilton
"He didn’t just go for it; he went for it like a kid in a candy shop who’s been locked overnight." - Gary Neville
"More and more players are trying to come inside and hit it with their decoy foot." - Trevor Brooking
"Completing the switch could well mean the game's changed completely. For those who know, it's definitely changed overnight." - Graeme Souness
"The beauty of the game is in its simplicity, well that, and the occasional baffling comment from the commentary box." - Ray Hudson
"To say he got away with that is like saying we won the World Cup in 1966… well by England's standards." - Ray Wilkins
"He’s like a Matador. Walking along like a bull in a... well, somewhere you need more control than this anyway." - Mark Bright
Classic Quotes
"Football is a funny old game." - Jimmy Greaves
"The rules have remained completely unchanged from the year 1872. And the beauty of football to a lot of people is that they can’t see why ever it might have changed." - Bill Shankly
"Football is a game of hundreds of thoughts in one quarter second." - Kevin Keegan
"In the dictionary under football, it says twaddle." - Ron Saunders
"He had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long." - Mark Lawrenson
"Nothing surprises me in football." - Kevin Keegan
"There are lots of things in their favor tonight. But football is not mathematics." - Jose Mourinho
"When I said before there were two sad men in the press box; it was the news other than the injury." - Jim Satton
"We lost because we didn’t win." - Ronaldo
"We didn’t lose the game, we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi
"Football is a maze of do’s and don’ts." - George Best
"He’s a real player for the future ahead of him." - Andy Townsend
Celebrity Fan Quotes
"I’ll never forget what Puskás said: It’s not the goal, it’s what it becomes." - Hugh Jackman
"My wife said I look like Rooney. I said, 'I am too old, but he said disguise it!' And that's what television is all about." - James Corden
"Messi is an incredible player. But we are getting bombarded every five minutes by the great feat he does." - Adele
"They say I was bad at football because I took my favorite action off from the other neighborhood." - Simon Cowell
"I can't understand why people go to Vienna. All year, you wonder if it's fashionable and now it is." - Harry Styles
"I used to play football and when my uncle came to see, I told them I just can't even imagine being good at it." - Elton John
"They tell me football is a rough sport then why worry about my make-up?" - Lady Gaga
"I heard what was needed was an unbeatable defense. So the secret is really never letting anyone know." - Liam Gallagher
"You should try and enjoy it while it lasts. I could be off to have a career in football; said no actress with a smile ever." - Emma Watson
"Not making a scene is a scene." - Chris Hemsworth
"From the first ball to the last they say, but where it falls to in between, sometimes leaves my breath to follow." - Gary Oldman
"When they say, 'He’s 3,000 miles away,' it’s like saying Saturn's a little too far for tea." - Robert De Niro
Goalkeeper Quotes
"As a goalkeeper, you need to have a streak of madness in you." - Oliver Kahn
"You can't be nervous all the time unless you want to break all your bones diving for the wrong ball!" - Peter Schmeichel
"I told my wife the truth. You admit you are a fool - then relax." - Dino Zoff
"Goalkeepers are an awe-inspiring bunch. They dive headfirst into mistakes before they ever happen." - Jens Lehmann
"I find it strange to keep three arms up in excitement all the time." - Fabien Barthez
"When they say a keeper has to stand still, they did not consider what it takes to do so." - Iker Casillas
"I used to hate conceding goals but now, I keep thinking what if we scored an own goal instead." - Edwin van der Sar
"Keeping clean sheets is not my priority; it’s keeping it dry when it rains." - David Seaman
"When I see a clear goal, I imagine breaking the fourth wall." - Neville Southall
"Saving a penalty is like telling a joke that nobody laughs at." - Petr Čech
"You don't need gloves if you have the reflexes of a cat." - Thibaut Courtois
"They told me to read the game; the only reading I've been doing is players' minds." - Gianluigi Buffon
Striker Quotes
"If you’re going to have a striker, he may as well score." - Alan Shearer
"Some strikers are born goal-scorers. Some are fertilized properly." - Gary Lineker
"The first eleven tries make the twelfth easier." - Ian Wright
"They tell you where to aim, but I tell them to get a bigger prize." - Marco van Basten
"I'm not a reaper; I just occasionally harvest." - Ronaldo Nazário
"The celebrations are just the laughter of the soul after a good strike." - Didier Drogba
"I always miss the bigger picture; that's why their pocket-watch hangs over TV screens." - Jamie Vardy
"Move towards the goal! Wait, I am not promoting running." - Sergio Agüero
"The best striker knows how passionately they love ketchup." - Michael Owen
"When I checked the score, apparently I didn't like the other team any less." - Zlatan Ibrahimović
"Scoring is how you remind defenders they're not scoring." - Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang
"I shoot because the keeper's lunchtime alarms me." - Harry Kane
Defender Quotes
"The best defense is when they thank you for not scoring first." - Paolo Maldini
"A defender's job is to ruin someone else's day." - Carles Puyol
"Being a defender means never having to say sorry for sprinting upfield." - Bobby Moore
"The moment you obstruct a goal, another goalkeeper sends you a thank-you note." - Franco Baresi
"If you keep ‘em from scoring, you’ll get something delicious to eat." - John Terry
"The aim is to be in the right place at the right time, so putting the other guy off is advantageous." - Alessandro Nesta
"First rule of being a defender: existence is an oversight because perfection is the exception." - Franz Beckenbauer
"The best tackles are the ones they don’t try repeating." - Sergio Ramos
"Left, right, up, down — we all have reasons for the direction we pick!" - Vincent Kompany
"Defense is a cause for celebration with backflips in imagination." - Rio Ferdinand
"If they missed, it’s because I scared them." - Fabio Cannavaro
"A tame opponent allows defenders to show off their name badges more often." - Thiago Silva
Iconic Moments Quotes
"I don't believe it! What a dramatic start!" - Commentator after unexpected opening goal
"This is the stuff of dreams!" - After an underdog wins
"Out of nowhere, a genius hit and goal!" - When a masterpiece goal occurs
"That will go down in history!" - Commented during a defining match
"Definitely a day to pretend you were here!" - After a legendary game
"Football, how exasperating you can be!" - In moments of sporting tension
"He dreamed it, and then he kicked reality!" - On celebrations after a crucial goal
"A night to sleep at the stadium!" - Impossible come-back evening
"Once every hundred years, this happens!" - After an extraordinary achievement
"The last defender, no more, sees their dreams dashed!" - After a last man challenge
"Takes my breath away every time I see it!" - When replaying an epic moment
"Unbelievable! Unbelievable!" - Shouted during a nail-biting finale
Transfer Quotes
"He’s best known for his time away from the club." - On a lackluster transfer
"They paid the price for everybody’s sins, including Valentino’s." - On massive spending
"The biggest signing you can make is the wrong one!" - After bad transfers
"Nobody minds when they depart few minutes after arrival." - Quick sales following transfer
"Banks of notes did their job, the rest of it was left behind." - On players not living up to price
"Buying a player for a billion: worth every penny when they take the corner flag humorously." - On overpaid players
"This transfer applies when summer is the only friend available." - On awkward mid-season move
"His feet were quicker on the sales sheets. Ironically, so was his performance!" - Questionable negotiations
"The substantial offer is now immeasurable damage instead." - Failed deals
"From news columns to airplane’s seat, where football’s made by gold!" - Exotic moves
"Which leads me to gold rush moments in football." - On gigantic transfer headlines
"The only player who left was the one you wanted to keep!" - Surprising exits
Final words
Football is more than just a sport; it is an amalgamation of remarkable talent, creativity, and comedic brilliance. The quotes outlined here span decades, capturing the humorous truths and absurdities that football bestows upon its fans. From players' witty comebacks to managers’ dry observations, commentators’ candid takes, and celebrities’ quirks, football humor never disappoints. As you absorb these quotes, remember that the heart of the game lies in its ability to entertain and engage across generations. Allow these quotes to make you smile in light times, comfort you when needed, and ultimately remind you that football is, at its core, a jubilant experience.
浙公网安备
33010002000092号
浙B2-20120091-4