Marriage is a journey filled with laughter, love, and sometimes a few humorous bumps along the way. This article delves into the funny side of marriage through the lens of witty quotes. Whether you're a newlywed or have been hitched for decades, you'll find humor in these quotes that capture the quirks and chuckles of married life. Let's explore ten amusing themes with twelve quotes under each, revealing the universal comedic truths of matrimony. From domestic bliss to peculiar habits, these quotes provide a light-hearted reflection on the enduring bond of marriage. Get ready for a delightful adventure through the ups and downs of wedded bliss!
Quotes on Domestic Bliss
"Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one." - Anonymous
"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband." - Michel de Montaigne
"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." - Woody Allen
"Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Ogden Nash
"To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up." - Ogden Nash
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so." - Gore Vidal
"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now, I have six children and no theories." - John Wilmot
"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash." - Joyce Brothers
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Being married means you can annoy one special person for the rest of your life." - Anonymous
"Marriage: mostly attempting to find which remote control you both lost." - Anonymous
"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry." - Tom Mullen
Quotes on Communication
"Marriage is a relationship in which one is always right and the other is the husband." - Anonymous
"A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
"My wife and I were happy for twenty years - then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Marriage: the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred." - Anonymous
"In our marriage, my wife says I never listen. At least I think that's what she said." - Anonymous
"Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener." - Anonymous
"Marriage is a workshop... where the husband works and the wife shops." - Anonymous
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife." - Anonymous
"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." - Ruth Bell Graham
"When you have a good marriage, the small stuff fades in importance." - Anonymous
"Marriage is an adventure: I would argue, the supreme adventure." - Joseph Campbell
"Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is a challenge. Letting go is the hardest part. And moving on is a blessing." - Nishan Panwar
Quotes on Arguments
"In marriage, the occasional argument is simply communication proving it is still alive." - Anonymous
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." - Phyllis Diller
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade." - Anonymous
"Arguing with your wife is like trying to read a software license agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click 'I agree.'" - Anonymous
"There are two sides to every argument, but unfortunately, they are usually married to each other." - Anonymous
"Marriage is about finding that one person you can annoy for life, legally." - Anonymous
"If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears." - Sigmund Freud
"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates
"The secret of a happy marriage is not to be who you are, but not to do what you want." - Anonymous
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning." - Anonymous
"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." - Audrey Hepburn
"All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble." - Raymond Hull
Quotes on Love and Marriage
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." - Albert Einstein
"Love is animalistic and marriage is reasonable." - Alexander Tosh
"Marriage lets you annoy one person for the rest of your life." - Anonymous
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do." - Barbara De Angelis
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman
"One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in love again." - Judith Viorst
"Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Franklin P. Jones
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." - Jim Carrey
"Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener." - Anonymous
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West
"The marriage is doomed when either spouse runs for the door." - Anonymous
Quotes on Peculiar Habits
"My wife says I never listen. At least I think that's what she said." - Anonymous
"Why do married people live longer? Because they can't argue when they're dead." - Anonymous
"Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband." - Anonymous
"I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always." - Anonymous
"I wanted to marry her but she was already married, so I became the man of her husband." - Anonymous
"A married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people remembering the same thing." - Anonymous
"A husband is someone who after taking out the trash gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house." - Anonymous
"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once." - Anonymous
"The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret." - Anonymous
"Marriage is a workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops." - Anonymous
"Marrying her meant I got someone to blame for losing things." - Anonymous
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
Quotes on Wedding Anniversary
"We’re all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." - Dr. Seuss
"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity. The order varies for any given year." - Paul Sweeney
"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock." - Anonymous
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" - Groucho Marx
"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again." - Clint Eastwood
"We always hold hands, if I let go, she shops." - Anonymous
"50% of married couples on this planet share the same bathroom. The other 50% are divorced." - Anonymous
"A year after 25 years of marriage, the woman still feels a tingling sensation when passing by the mystery man she didn't marry." - Anonymous
"Marriage is the golden ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is eternity." - Kahlil Gibran
"The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly." - Peter De Vries
"Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl." - Stephen Leacock
"Forever is a long time, but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side." - Anonymous
Quotes on Money and Marriage
"Marriage is a lottery – you pick, but you don’t know what you got." - Anonymous
"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me." - Anonymous
"No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married." - Benjamin Disraeli
"My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong, and she agrees with me." - Anonymous
"I married a 'Miss Right', I just didn’t know her first name was 'Always'." - Anonymous
"Money may be the husk of many things, but not the kernel. It brings you food but not appetite, medicine but not health, acquaintances but not friends, servants but not loyalty, days of joy but not peace or happiness." - Henrik Ibsen
"Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life." - Anonymous
"Opposites attract, and then start annoying each other." - Anonymous
"A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke." - Anonymous
"The secret to a happy marriage is to never keep score." - Anonymous
"Marriage is the only adventure open to cowards." - Voltaire
"Whoever said money can't buy happiness forgot about little puppies and diamonds." - Anonymous
Quotes on Growing Old Together
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war." - Anonymous
"Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity." - Anonymous
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." - Albert Einstein
"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him." - Cher
"Marriage is not defined by the act of getting married, but by staying married, despite challenges and difficulties." - Unknown
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife." - Prince Philip
"Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other's minimum daily requirements." - Kathy Mckeon
"We started out friends, and that's how we ended up married." - Rita Rudner
"An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
"The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they're right if you love to be with them all the time." - Julia Child
"If you live to a hundred, I want to live to a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." - A.A. Milne
Quotes on Quick Wits
"Marriage is not just spitting tunes, fix running taps, find lost remote." - Anonymous
"In marriage, the greatest lie is anything said before, ‘I’m joking.'" - Anonymous
"Marriage is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest are written in prose." - Beverley Nichols
"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." - Oscar Wilde
"I don't need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal problems. I’ve got a spouse who does it for free." - Anonymous
"You know that look women get when they want to have sex? Me neither." - Steve Martin
"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way." - Anonymous
"A man's wife has more power over him than the state has." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"My wife told me the car wasn't working correctly, so I asked her where she had trouble. She said, ‘In the garage.’" - Anonymous
"Just found out that when you marry a person, you don't need a honeymoon. Just make breakfast together without getting mad." - Anonymous
"Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy." - Anonymous
"A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers." - Ruth Bell Graham
Quotes on Humor in Marriage
"The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. That's what it means to have a spiritual connection." - Anonymous
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx
"There are two sides to every story, and sometimes you don't know the truth until after the argument." - Anonymous
"Marriage: the only war where you sleep with the enemy." - Anonymous
"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates
"My wife says I never listen, or something like that." - Anonymous
"Marriage: a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband." - Anonymous
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." - Maryon Pearson
"Marriage is just fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore." - Anonymous
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" - Groucho Marx
"An old man who marries a young wife learns humility every day." - Anonymous
Final words
Marriage is a blend of companionship, love, and delightful eccentricities, and these funny quotes perfectly encapsulate the humor that accompanies this lifelong commitment. Each quote offers insight into the quirks of marital life, reminding couples that laughter is an essential ingredient to a long and happy union. Whether the topic is wedding anniversaries, peculiar habits, communication mishaps, or the light-hearted battles that are part and parcel of marriage, each section presents a humorous and affectionate glance at the institution of marriage. There's wisdom in finding humor and embracing the delightful dynamics of married life, and these quotes serve as a testament to the enduring, joyful charm of matrimony. Embrace laughter, cherish each other, and navigate the humorous tapestry of marriage with a smile on your face!
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