From the whimsical to the profound, weddings are a rich source of humor and wisdom—often uniting the two in memorable quotes. This collection offers ten delightful subcategories of funny wedding quotes, each featuring a selection of 12 witty, insightful, or downright hilarious sayings. Whether you’re a bride, groom, guest, or planner, these quotes are guaranteed to entertain and perhaps even inspire. Happy reading!
Love and Laughter Quotes
"Marriage: when dating goes pro." - Unknown
"Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener." - Pauline Thomason
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." - Andre Maurois
"Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade." - Unknown
"Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner
"You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride the waves together." - Unknown
"A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes in it." - Unknown
"Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Ogden Nash
"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock." - Unknown
"Remember, marriage is the number one cause of divorce." - Unknown
"Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops." - Unknown
"Before marrying someone, you should make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are." - Will Ferrell
Happily Ever After Quotes
"Once upon a time is only the beginning of a fairy tale. In marriage, you need to keep writing the story." - Unknown
"They lived happily ever after—with an emphasis on the 'happily' and 'ever after' being relative." - Unknown
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin
"Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice." - Fawn Weaver
"If you need space, join NASA. Marriage requires closeness and commitment." - Unknown
"Real love stories never have endings." - Richard Bach
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman
"You don’t marry someone you can live with—you marry the person you cannot live without." - Unknown
"Marriage isn’t a cake walk, it’s more like a cake crash." - Unknown
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war." - G.K. Chesterton
"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together." - Robert C. Dodds
"Research has shown that men say their wife is always right. Surprisingly, the research was conducted by men." - Unknown
Quotables About Wedding Planning
"Wedding planning: when you realize die-hard is not just a movie, but a necessary trait." - Unknown
"Let’s face it, weddings are basically funerals with cake." - Rick Sanchez
"The most difficult words in wedding planning: 'I didn’t realize it costs that much!'" - Unknown
"Bridal: A place where everyone loses their mind, but finds it at the finish line." - Unknown
"Wedding planning is like herding cats—with champagne." - Unknown
"By the end of the wedding planning, you’ll be wanting a lifetime supply of Valium." - Unknown
"The only thing harder than finding a partner is picking out flowers for their wedding." - Unknown
"Weddings: because we have Netflix, but let’s throw a party." - Unknown
"Wedding stress happens when you find out you’re DIYing your sanity." - Unknown
"If you think getting in shape for a wedding is strenuous, wait until you realize picking a venue is an extreme sport." - Unknown
"For the marriage, you promise to love each other through thick and thin, but nobody talks about the wedding budget at that time." - Unknown
"Planning a wedding is a walk in the park… Jurassic Park." - Unknown
Quips About Married Life
"You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty." - Unknown
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." - Winston Churchill
"Marriage: love is the reason. Lifelong friendship is the gift. Kindness is the cause. ’Til death do us part is the length." - Fawn Weaver
"The secret to a happy marriage? Never question your wife’s plans, wisdom, or shoe choices." - Unknown
"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife." - Prince Philip
"Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock on the weekend and being with your loved one." - Unknown
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery." - Erma Bombeck
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: ‘I told you so.'" - Gore Vidal
"A married couple that plays together, stays together… until one of them loses." - Unknown
"Why do married people live longer? Because they can’t argue from six feet under." - Unknown
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" - Groucho Marx
"Marriage: the art of compromise, especially on remote control and dinner choices." - Unknown
In-Law Insights and Quotes
"The great thing about my mother-in-law is, she was almost as crazy as me." - Unknown
"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." - Hubert Humphrey
"I've never been married, but I can imagine it being like living with your parents—but harder to escape." - Unknown
"In-laws think of you as a son or daughter they never had. It’s flattering until you realize it’s possible they wanted it to stay that way." - Unknown
"Always be nice to your in-laws, especially if they are rich." - Unknown
"A mother-in-law is the true proof that life doesn’t play fair." - Unknown
"Your in-laws never reveal their true selves until you’re legally bound." - Unknown
"My in-laws talk to me in a way they wouldn’t dare talk to my spouse; it’s almost flattering." - Unknown
"The secret to a good relationship with your in-laws? Smile and nod." - Unknown
"In-laws are like coffee filters: sometimes necessary but they don’t change the flavor." - Unknown
"Life is short, so is the drive to my in-laws. Win-win!" - Unknown
"Remember, the honeymoon stage pales in comparison to the first dinner with in-laws." - Unknown
Youth and Innocence Wedding Quotes
"Marriage is a blur of mind over mattress." - Unknown
"The best time to love with your whole heart is always now." - Oprah Winfrey
"Very young couples have wonderful memories of what they were going to do." - John Cage
"To be my love is to be reminded of your younger self: enthusiastic and a bit disoriented." - Unknown
"Marriage is adolescence, without supervision." - Unknown
"Nothing says young love like trying to agree on a toothpaste brand." - Unknown
"Love is wasted on the young but beautifully savored later on." - Unknown
"Marriage means meeting someone who will help with the flexing back pains as you age." - Unknown
"The older you get, the tougher decisions become. Like, what to have for dinner together on a Tuesday night." - Unknown
"Whitney said the children are our future—clearly Whitney never went shopping with one." - Unknown
"If youth knew; if age could." - Sigmund Freud
"Ah, youth is wasted on those too young to realize gigabytes of excitement don’t last a lifetime." - Unknown
Timeless Romance Quotes
"Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you." - Loretta Young
"A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." - Unknown
"In marriage, it’s important to have good dates and great dates." - Unknown
"You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss
"Love is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
"Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb." - Barbara De Angelis
"Once you’re married, you kind of find out whatever you were doing as a couple was a little misdirected." - Michael Bublé
"True love stands by each other’s side on good days and even closer on bad ones." - Unknown
"Even when you are 100 years old, marriage means having someone to talk to." - Unknown
"Grow old with me, the best is yet to be." - Robert Browning
"Love is a great beautifier." - Louisa May Alcott
"Romance is the icing but love is the cake." - Unknown
Quotes for the Wedding Toast
"Here’s to marriage, that mysterious arrangement where people not only choose to live together but have a mostly peaceful co-existence." - Unknown
"May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old-fashioned enough to last forever." - Unknown
"To the bride and groom: May the rest of your life be the best of your life!" - Unknown
"May all your ups and downs be between the sheets." - Unknown
"Take each other’s hand and never let go because the best day of your life is yet to come." - Unknown
"A great marriage is not made up of the big moments, but every little second of every day." - Unknown
"Love is like a good cup of coffee: warm, comforting, and heady." - Unknown
"A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Unknown
"Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." - Joshua J. Marine
"The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of dedication and grace." - Fawn Weaver
"Your wedding, like your marriage, is the attention, the belief, and the hope that life will keep getting better." - Unknown
"To love, laughter, and your happily ever after." - Unknown
Benevolent Banter Quotes
"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." - Robert Quillen
"In marriage, every day you love, and every day you forgive. It is an ongoing sacrament, love and forgiveness." - Bill Moyers
"As you get older, you find it’s not where you live but who you are living with that matters." - Unknown
"Marriage is about sharing life’s bagel and never doing it on an empty stomach." - Unknown
"Forget the perfect wedding ring, the best thing about marriage is having a lifelong parking buddy." - Unknown
"You need thousands of laughs to get you through the decades." - Unknown
"A marriage with love is like living in the city of happiness." - Unknown
"A great marriage is not created by just living together, but laughing together every day." - Unknown
"Marry someone who has a different upbringing than you; life gets much more entertaining." - Unknown
"Happy marriage advice: Communicate often, laugh, and never run out of chips and salsa." - Unknown
"There are no perfect marriages, only perfect excuses for missing laundry duty." - Unknown
"Of course, marriage isn’t perfect, but have you ever tried planning a surprise party?" - Unknown
Quotes for Every Marriage Anniversary
"An anniversary is a reminder as to why you both got married in the first place." - Unknown
"Here’s to another year of pretending I know what I’m doing." - Unknown
"Marriage is the one adventure there’s no fun throwing an end to." - Hilary Baldwin
"We’re like wine, we get better with age… or maybe we just feel better about our aging!" - Unknown
"Marriage is like a crossword puzzle. All the letters might not match, but love helps fill in the gaps." - Unknown
"Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply." - Zane Grey
"In case you ever foolishly forget: I am never thinking of you." - Virginia Woolf
"More love to share after so many years!" - Unknown
"Anniversary means: a lifetime of love counts how many laughs have engrossed the moments." - Unknown
"I still feel like the luckiest person to be loved by you after all these years." - Unknown
"Thanks for being together through tickling arguments and laughing at our own jokes." - Unknown
"Happy anniversary! Let us reflect on the year past and celebrate with humor." - Unknown
Final words
While wedding days are memorable, the real joy lies in the humor throughout marriage. These quotes highlight the lighter side of nuptials—from planning to living the happily-ever-after fairy tale. They remind us that laughter is an important element of any lasting relationship. Whether it’s jokes about in-laws or witty advice on anniversaries, each quote celebrates the joyful and often unexpected reality of sharing a life with another person. Use these sayings for speeches, invites, or simply a reminder to appreciate the hilarity and happiness of your union every day. Remember, love may be blind but marriage is a comedic spectacle that happens right before your eyes. Here’s to laughing your way through life, one humorous moment at a time.