100+ Humorous Drinking Quotes: Cheers to Laughter and Libations
Here's a collection of humorous drinking quotes that playfully capture the joy and wit that often accompany the social ritual of enjoying a drink or two. Each subtitle focuses on a different aspect of drinking humor, from lighthearted cheers to cheeky observations about wine, beer, and even coffee. Whether you're raising a glass with friends or enjoying a quiet nightcap, these quotes will add a sprinkle of humor to your toast and a smile to your face. Dive in and enjoy these snippets of conviviality, knowing that in every sip, there's a story waiting to be told.
“Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.” – Homer Simpson
“To all the ladies who wish they were me, and the guys who come to see me…”
“May we be who our dogs think we are.”
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Oscar Wilde
“Here's to lying, cheating, stealing, and drinking... If you lie, may you lie in the arms of someone you love. If you cheat, may you cheat death. If you steal, may you steal a heart. And if you drink, may you drink with me.”
“Drink beer, save water.”
“To alcohol! The cause of—and solution to—all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson
“Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember with the friends we’ll never forget.”
“To my friends: here’s wishing you the best of drinks, and all the foolishness that follows.”
“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first, and have a drink to wash it down.”
“Cheers to nights turned into mornings and friends turned into family.”
“Raise your glass if you’re wrong in all the right ways!”
“Wine is sunlight, held together by water.” – Galileo
“Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.” – Francis Bacon
“In wine, there's truth. And tequila, too.”
“Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.”
“I'm not slurring my words; I'm speaking in cursive.”
“Wine: because adulting is hard.”
“Life is too short to drink bad wine.”
“Wine flies when you’re having fun.”
“I don’t like to think of wine as my competitor; it works well with my spirits.”
“You can’t make everyone happy, you’re not a bottle of wine.”
“Wine not?”
“Wine a bit, you'll feel better.”
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”
“I think this beer might be broken; I ordered a six pack and it's empty already.”
“My training regime includes lots of sit-ups – mostly from the chair to the fridge for more beer.”
“A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's safer to be thoroughly sure.”
“Life is too short to drink cheap beer.”
“I’ve only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.” – Sid Vicious
“Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean... against bars, tables, chairs, etc.”
“I’d give up beer, but I’m no quitter.”
“It's a big world, someone has to drink all that beer.”
“Beer: essential vitamin ‘B’.”
“Beer – because you're worth it.”
“A cocktail a day keeps the reality away.”
“When life gives you lemons, make a gin and tonic.”
“I'm in shape. Unfortunately, that shape is ‘recumbent with a cocktail.’”
“Trust me, you can dance.” – Vodka
“What’s shaken, not stirred? Me at happy hour!”
“Save water, make cocktails.”
“There’s a name for people who love cocktails: awesome.”
“A balanced diet is a cocktail in each hand.”
“I drink to make other people interesting.” – Ernest Hemingway
“Of course size matters... no one wants a small cocktail.”
“Drinking rum before 10 a.m. makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic.”
“One cocktail is just right, two are too many, and three are not enough.”
“Three be the things I shall never attain: envy, content, and sufficient champagne.” – Dorothy Parker
“Champagne: because no great story ever started with a salad.”
“I only drink champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not.” – Coco Chanel
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much champagne is just right.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
“Champagne is the answer. What was the question?”
“Come quickly, I am tasting the stars!” – Dom Perignon
“There is only one thing better than a glass of champagne. A bottle.”
“If you don't drink champagne, how will you get your bubbles?”
“I drink champagne when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory.” – Lily Bollinger
“Sip happens, pop champagne.”
“Keep calm and drink champagne.”
“You can’t sip with us.”
“Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.” – Mark Twain
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” – W.C. Fields
“The best thing about the drink is the waking up next to someone your own type in the morning.”
“Whiskey may not be the answer but it’s worth a shot!”
“Love makes the world go ’round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go ’round twice as fast.”
“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” – Elizabeth Taylor
“A whisky a day keeps the worries at bay.”
“I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.”
“In dog years, I'm dead. In whiskey years, I'm an intern.”
“The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey, but you should at least check.”
“Why drink water when you can drink whiskey?”
“Whiskey: liquid wisdom.”
“Coffee: because crack is bad for you.”
“Decaf? No thanks, my Irish coffee doesn’t need hair dye.”
“Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman
“I like my coffee like I like my men: tall, dark, and Irish.”
“Coffee keeps me running until it’s time for wine.”
“Life happens, coffee helps. And sometimes, a drop of whiskey.”
“Clients don't call me until I've had my Irish coffee.”
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons and Irish whiskey.”
“Give me coffee to change the things I can, and Irish whiskey to accept the things I can’t.”
“Espresso yourself, with a little twist of whiskey!”
“Irish coffee: because adulting is hard.”
“Coffee is the foundation of our food pyramid, especially with some Irish optimism.”
“I may have accidentally drunk the solution.”
“I think I drank my superhero suit away last night.”
“Notice: I am currently out of my mind, please leave a message.”
“It’s not drinking alone if the dog is home.”
“At a bar with a great band, that's music distilled.”
“Technically, according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.”
“I drink only on certain occasions. Sometimes, on multiple occasions.”
“Drunk words are sober thoughts, and this is going to be poetic.”
“If you did not drink, whispering could be an art form.”
“Stop thinking so much, start drinking.”
“My favorite vegetable is wine.”
“Dance like no one is watching, but drink like they definitely are.”
“Friends don't let friends drink alone.”
“Drunk brains work faster.”
“Let’s get together with a bottle of good spirit.”
“Good friends pour, not judge.”
“Friendship: when one assesses the other’s bar tab and shares the vanishing pain.”
“Cheers to us! And those like us! Fewer and fewer of us remain!”
“To friendships that are timeless and wine that ceases time.”
“Drunk friends own a special place in sober tales.”
“Forget salt, pair tequila with trustworthy friends and you'll be all set.”
“Here’s to nights that turned into mornings with the friends you can’t forget.”
“A friend with wine is a friend who’s fine.”
“Do I drink too much? Only when I don't have company.”
“I’ve got 99 problems, and they all stem from the final drink last night.”
“Last night, the bottle won. Today, I shall rise again.”
“First, we feast. Then, we penance.”
“Hangovers: because the universe has a sense of humor.”
“Drink too much and the room spins, drink just right and the world makes sense.”
“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, and in my bed, there is a grumpy human.”
“A hangover is just your body reminding you you’re not 18 anymore.”
“I’m so hungover that if you shook my head, you’d hear the ocean.”
“They should make hangover repellent.”
“I am never drinking again. Until next weekend.”
“I need cash, coffee, and a cure.”
“Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.”
