Welcome to our curated collection of unforgettable Spaceballs movie quotes! Spaceballs, directed by Mel Brooks, is a classic parody that has left an indelible mark on comedy lovers and sci-fi enthusiasts alike. From its release in 1987, it has amassed a cult following, thanks to its hilariously irreverent take on the Star Wars saga and beyond. In this article, we present ten carefully selected categories of Spaceballs quotes that continue to tickle our funny bones and make us laugh out loud. So, tighten your helmet straps and get ready to jump to ludicrous speed as we embark on this quote-filled journey!
Iconic Spaceballs Quotes
"May the Schwartz be with you!" - Yogurt
"Ludicrous speed, go!" - Dark Helmet
"What's the matter, Colonel Sanders? Chicken?" - Dark Helmet
"I'm your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." - Dark Helmet
"So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb." - Dark Helmet
"We brake for nobody." - Bumper Sticker on Spaceball One
"Nobody knows! Just you and me." - Dark Helmet
"There are two sides to every Schwartz." - Yogurt
"We're not doing this for money. We're doing it for a SH** LOAD of money!" - Lone Star
"Use the Schwartz, Lone Star!" - Yogurt
"Keep firing, A**holes!" - Dark Helmet
"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!" - Dark Helmet
Dark Helmet's Hilarious Quotes
"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate." - Dark Helmet
"What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?" - Dark Helmet
"No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!" - Colonel Sanders
"Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Star." - Dark Helmet
"I bet she gives great helmet." - Dark Helmet
"Raspberry. There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Star!" - Dark Helmet
"Even in the future nothing works!" - Dark Helmet
"Lightspeed is too slow." - Dark Helmet
"I knew it. I'm surrounded by a**holes!" - Dark Helmet
"Did you see anything?" - Dark Helmet
"Out of order! Even in the future, nothing works!" - Dark Helmet
"Say goodbye to your two best friends." - Dark Helmet
Yogurt's Wisdom-filled Quotes
"Use the Schwartz!" - Yogurt
"Merchandising! Where the real money from the movie is made." - Yogurt
"Well, you can forget it. No more look-alikes! No more Lonestars!" - Yogurt
"You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine." - Yogurt
"The ring is bupkis! I found it in a Cracker Jack box!" - Yogurt
"May the Schwartz be with you!" - Yogurt
"Come back soon! We'll all miss you!" - Yogurt
"Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!" - Yogurt
"The choice is yours, and yours alone." - Yogurt
"Lone Star, I need my sleep!" - Yogurt
"Always open. We’re in a convenient location!" - Yogurt
"Well, it's about time! Good thing you were wearing the helmet." - Yogurt
Princess Vespa's Bold Quotes
"I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids." - Princess Vespa
"I am not programmed to please you." - Princess Vespa
"I don't need a nose job!" - Princess Vespa
"I have to get married to a prince in order to save Druidia!" - Princess Vespa
"Why didn't somebody tell me my a** was so big?" - Princess Vespa
"Can't you get anything right?!" - Princess Vespa
"Druish princesses are often attracted to money and power, and I have both and you know it!" - Princess Vespa
"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way." - Princess Vespa
"I can't live without my music!" - Princess Vespa
"Will you marry me?" - Princess Vespa
"I'm not shooting, I'm reloading!" - Princess Vespa
"Father, you know how much I love you." - Princess Vespa
Barf's Comical Quotes
"I'm a mog: half-man, half-dog. I'm my own best friend." - Barf
"The radar, sir! It appears to be...jammed!" - Barf
"Funny, she doesn’t look Druish." - Barf
"I'm a double-mint barfer!" - Barf
"No, no, no. Light speed is too slow. We need Ludicrous speed!" - Barf
"I'm that fast, huh?" - Barf
"They've gone to plaid!" - Barf
"I don't care if I get personal, sir!" - Barf
"What's the matter, Colonel Sanders? Chicken?" - Barf
"Oh, shit! There goes the planet." - Barf
"I get it, I'm surrounded by assholes." - Barf
"Keep firing, assholes!" - Barf
Colonel Sanders' Commanding Quotes
"Spaceball 1, they've gone to plaid!" - Colonel Sanders
"Prepare ship for light speed!" - Colonel Sanders
"Out of order! F***! Even in the future, nothing works!" - Colonel Sanders
"But sir! We won't be able to survive!" - Colonel Sanders
"Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth-shattering kaboom!" - Colonel Sanders
"Prepare to fast forward!" - Colonel Sanders
"Not that button, the other button!" - Colonel Sanders
"I'm having trouble with the radar, sir." - Colonel Sanders
"I'm sorry, sir. My radar..." - Colonel Sanders
"You're an a**hole." - Colonel Sanders
"I knew it. Surrounded by a**holes." - Colonel Sanders
"Keep firing, a**holes!" - Colonel Sanders
Lone Star’s Heroic Quotes
"We're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a SH** LOAD of money!" - Lone Star
"That's gonna leave a mark." - Lone Star
"Gold! Always believe in your soul." - Lone Star
"I can't breathe in this thing." - Lone Star
"The radar, sir! It appears to be...jammed!" - Lone Star
"Helmet, so, at last, we meet for the first time for the last time." - Lone Star
"The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over." - Lone Star
"On this ship, you will refer to me as 'Idiot,' not 'You Captain!' Got that?" - Lone Star
"I am Lone Star. Star of the lost city of Atlantis." - Lone Star
"Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Star." - Lone Star
"Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Star." - Lone Star
"Come on, come on, hurry up!" - Lone Star
President Skroob’s Outlandish Quotes
"Sandurz! Sandurz! You gotta help me, I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions! I'm a President!" - President Skroob
"Fire a warning shot across her nose." - President Skroob
"I said across her nose, not up it!" - President Skroob
"Rock, Scissors, Paper." - President Skroob
"Keep firing, assholes!" - President Skroob
"Good. Now which button turns off the lights?" - President Skroob
"Did you see anything?" - President Skroob
"No more beaming! This time I’m gonna walk!" - President Skroob
"I’m having a learners permit." - President Skroob
"Instant cassettes! They're out in stores before the movie is finished!" - President Skroob
"Tell them to comb the desert, do you hear me? Comb the desert!" - President Skroob
"Prepare ship for light speed!" - President Skroob
Lady Vespa’s Sarcastic Quotes
"My hair! He shot my hair! Son of a b***h!" - Lady Vespa
"Would I lie?" - Lady Vespa
"What's happening to me? Nothing. Just setting a Hyperactive mode!" - Lady Vespa
"How do I know you’re not making this up? It could be any time!" - Lady Vespa
"Good for you. Come on in, take a seat." - Lady Vespa
"Will you marry me? Absolutely not!!" - Lady Vespa
"Let them wait in the car.” - Lady Vespa
"I’m a nice girl, not a good girl." - Lady Vespa
"You’re awfully confident for a man in zip up boots." - Lady Vespa
"I’m not gonna take it!' - Lady Vespa
"I can't have a normal life!" - Lady Vespa
"I used to have a brother. What happened to him, I don't think you want to know." - Lady Vespa
Memorable Quotes from Minor Characters
"Shall we take a five-minute break?" - Major Asshole
"I knew it. I'm surrounded by a**holes!" - Major Asshole
"Hey, stop ship!" - Major Asshole
"Prepare to fast-forward!" - Major Asshole
"Even in the future, nothing works!" - Major Asshole
"Prepare ship for light speed!" - Major Asshole
"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!" - Major Asshole
"What's the matter, Colonel Sanders? Chicken?" - Major Asshole
"What the hell am I looking at?" - Major Asshole
"Ludicrous speed, go!" - Major Asshole
"I'm my own best friend." - Major Asshole
"Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz" - Major Asshole
Final words
Spaceballs is a comedic powerhouse, and its quotes remain some of the most memorable lines in movie history. This hilarious parody of Star Wars and other beloved sci-fi classics has granted us countless moments of pure comedic joy. Characters like Dark Helmet, Lone Star, Yogurt, Princess Vespa, and many others deliver lines that transcend the screen and stay with us long after the movie ends. Each quote we’ve highlighted in our collection brings out the charm, wit, and humor inherent to this timeless film. Whether you're a longtime fan or discovering Spaceballs for the first time, these quotes will undoubtedly bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart. May the Schwartz be with you, always!
Discover over 100 unforgettable quotes from the cult classic 'Spaceballs'. Perfect for fans, movie lovers, and anyone seeking witty and humorous quotes from one of the most iconic sci-fi parodies.
