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100+ Iconic Spaceballs Quotes: Timeless Humor for Fans

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spaceballs quotes

Step into the whimsical world of Spaceballs with this collection of quotes that capture the humor and absurdity of the cult classic film. These memorable lines from the characters will take you on a hilarious journey through the movie’s galaxy, offering insights into the parody of science fiction. From Dark Helmet's grandiose threats to Yogurt's humorous wisdom, these quotes resonate with fans and newcomers alike. Whether you're reminiscing about the movie or discovering it for the first time, this compilation highlights the film's enduring appeal and its unique place in pop culture. Prepare to be entertained by the comedic genius of Mel Brooks and his quirky cast of characters in this quotable journey through the universe of Spaceballs.

Dark Helmet's Quotes

  • "So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb."
  • "When will then be now? Soon."
  • "I see your Schwartz is as big as mine."
  • "Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago."
  • "What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?"
  • "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows but Jesus."
  • "I can't breathe in this thing!"
  • "Keep firing, assholes!"
  • "Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Star."
  • "Ludicrous speed, go!"
  • "You fell for 'Jamming'! It's like the oldest trick in the book!"
  • "Helmet! What is it? Can you breathe okay?"

    • Lone Star's Quotes

  • "I'm Lone Star. I'm a mog, half-man, half-dog. I'm my own best friend."
  • "Nice dissolve."
  • "Helmet, so at last we meet for the first time for the last time."
  • "I can't make decisions. I'm a president!"
  • "Goodbye, Virgin Alarm."
  • "Barf, drive!”
  • "We’re not just doing this for money. We’re doing it for a SH*T LOAD of money!"
  • "Ok, we take the left corridor, I'll go first."
  • "Wait a minute, there’s a coffee machine."
  • "I can't believe it. That's the second time I've fallen for that trick."
  • "My brains are going into my feet!"
  • "I’m not ready to die on the Spaceballs One today!"

    • Barf's Quotes

  • "I’m a half-man, half-dog. I’m my own best friend."
  • "I'm surrounded by assholes."
  • "Funny, she doesn’t look Druish."
  • "I am prepared for absolutely noth—oh, what's happening here?"
  • "No, sir, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again."
  • "You want a token, here's a token!"
  • "Watch out, cart on the loose!"
  • "Paw! There's yogurt all over your neural cortex."
  • "A whole desert and you hit a rock? You've got to be kidding me!”
  • "What did he say? Wait, what did he say? Somebody interpret!"
  • "Be smart. Be smart. Oh, who am I kidding?! Take cover!"
  • "Man, I'm tired. I need more sleep food on this planet."

    • Yogurt’s Quotes

  • "May the Schwartz be with you."
  • "Merchandising, merchandising! Where the real money from the movie is made."
  • "So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb."
  • "Use the Schwartz!”
  • "The kids love this one - it's a Spaceballs flamethrower!”
  • "Spaceballs: The T-shirt!”
  • "I'm just plain Yogurt!"
  • "Baseballs! Apparently, they’re gonna be bigger than Star Wars!"
  • "May the Schwartz be with you..."
  • "Go see the movie again! You know, you liked it!”
  • "Why not make a sequel? I'll even let you steal ideas from Star Warriors!"
  • "I'm a Melchian way before 'Yoda' was a thing!"

    • President Skroob’s Quotes

  • "Sandurz, I'm having a bad day. Tell me something good."
  • "When I get my hands on it, I’ll be the most powerful king in the universe."
  • "Consolidated Amalgamated Efforts doesn’t offer anything less than crazy."
  • "Last month’s 1% improvement just isn’t cutting it."
  • "Look at it this way, at least you didn’t do worse!”
  • "Darker than black, that’s the color of my command post."
  • "My idiotic minions! Why didn’t you see this coming?”
  • "It’s not just a scheme, it’s an elaborate plan!"
  • "Radar shrift! We need radar shrift now!”
  • "Anyway, so much for that, back to my pet project!"
  • "I see nothing, I know nothing!"
  • "Is there a 'command bot' or something here?”

    • Colonel Sandurz’s Quotes

  • "Prepare ship for light speed."
  • "Keep firing, assholes!"
  • "Sir, we've never gone that fast before."
  • "We're surrounded by a$$holes."
  • "Oh no, we have backtracked the chronos!”
  • "She’s gone from suck to blow!”
  • "We’re ready for take-off!"
  • "No, sir. I didn't see you playing with your dolls again."
  • "I will need a second to run this elaborate plan."
  • "We're operating at a high light pace currently."
  • "Yes, we've heard this plan before!”
  • "Yes, sir, whoever she is...”

    • Princess Vespa’s Quotes

  • "I can’t breathe in this thing!”
  • "Funny, she doesn't look Druish."
  • "I'm a Druish princess!”
  • "I don't know, can you give me a lift?"
  • "Well, I certainly hope you’re not that one."
  • "I just got an immediate upgrade deal!”
  • "Just a princess with a scoop of luck!"
  • "My hair is being done up perfectly back home.”
  • "It’s not easy being me, you know?
  • "Simply put, I’m not that easily impressed."
  • "R2-D2 models were a big miss!"
  • "I hope my groom doesn’t see this stunt!”

    • Dot Matrix’s Quotes

  • "I'm programmed to do things that make sense to the common good."
  • "Everybody knows that a golden chassis!”
  • "I'm the sweet sounds of your memory telling you to be nice!"
  • "Picky hands always block the view!"
  • "I'm a Matrix, and I live by the 'beep' and 'boop' code."
  • "Stop falling for every pick-up line!"
  • "I told you she didn't look Druish."
  • "I'm my own best employee."
  • "They love me for my sarcasm more than anything."
  • "Mechanics are a royal pain, don’t you agree?”
  • "My missions never include mistakes, just happy little accidents!"
  • "The movies wouldn’t be complete without me!”

    • The Schwartz Trainer’s Quotes

  • "Focus on your feelings, they can be your guide."
  • "Practice beyond the limitations of the Schwartz."
  • "Your path to the Schwartz is not clear, make it clear...”
  • "Channel your balance, don't let it channel you."
  • "The Schwartz might guide you, but choices lead you ahead."
  • "Meditate or in-depth processing, you choose your calling!”
  • "Schwartz finds the ones who seek wisdom."
  • "Beware the power that's given too easily."
  • "The aim is not to become effective, but outstanding!”
  • "An easy path never challenges the worthy."
  • "The vision is to gain Schwartz understanding not Schwartz force!”
  • "Believe in the balance of the force you are guided with."

    • Funny One-Liners from Spaceballs

  • "Ludicrous speed! Prepare for immediate stop!"
  • "Well, I sure hope you’re not that one."
  • "I’m surrounded by wise fools here!”
  • "Good is dumb—always has been, always will be!”
  • "Helmet, it’s like you’re always on the move!”
  • "President Skroob, I’ve missed you!”
  • "The yogurts are key to the journey!”
  • "Our jam’s on peanut butter protocols!”
  • "No one knows the intergalactic messes I’ve created!"
  • "Compress the lights—get ready to move!”
  • "Stop staring at the warp controls like a fool!”
  • "Associates, I choose merchandise over havoc!"

    • Final words

    Spaceballs remains a beloved parody that has stood the test of time, largely due to its witty and quotable script. The film’s unique blend of humor, sci-fi, and satire brings laughter to audiences while also paying homage to popular space operas. Every character delivers lines that become even more memorable as they echo through the decades. From Dark Helmet’s villainous antics to the comical wisdom of Yogurt, these quotes capture the essence of Mel Brooks’ comedic genius. As this collection of quotes shows, Spaceballs continues to engage fans with its clever dialogue and hilarious take on the sci-fi genre. May the Schwartz be with you as you continue to enjoy these timeless quotes in all their witty, satirical glory!

    Discover over 100 hilarious quotes from the cult classic film Spaceballs. Perfect for fans of sci-fi comedy looking to relive memorable moments and share a laugh.

    About The Author

    aigift author Elizabeth
    Currently wear the creative hat as an editor in gift selection. My academic journey at the University of Southern California (USC) culminated with a degree that polished my analytical and evaluative skills, laying a steadfast groundwork for my contributions in the curation of gifts. Though I might refer to myself as an amateur designer, my fervor for design weaves brightly into my work, where I blend art and practicality to spotlight treasures that transform ordinary moments into extraordinary memories.