100+ Step Brothers Memorable Quotes That You Can't Forget

"Did we just become best friends?"

"You're not wrong, but you're out of your mind."

"I will beat you so hard, your ancestors will feel it!"

"You look like a man who needs a facial massage… with my fist."

"You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me!"

"We’re not having this conversation with our pants off!"

"You can’t handle the truth… or my boot kicking your face!"

"You smell like milk that’s been left out on the counter for nine days."

"You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine."

"I hate you more than anything in this world… except maybe clowns."

"You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel."

"You’re dumber than a bag of hammers wrapped in a wet paper towel."

"I don’t understand the rules of cooking!"

"Why would I lie about something like that? Unless I was trying to impress someone."

"I’m not going to pay for your abortion!"

"I’ve never seen a cop eat noodles that fast!"

"You know what they call a guy who hangs around with rock stars? A drummer."

"I'm not supposed to have fun until I'm 40!"

"I don’t need friends, I’ve got you!"

"I’m gonna put my dong on your cheek!"

"I’m not gonna be one of those guys who says, 'I used to be in a band.'"

"I’ve had four jobs in seven years… all at Blockbuster!"

"I don’t know what kind of mushroom that was!"

"I’m not emotionally ready to let go of being angry!"

"I don’t know how much more of this I can take!"

"I’ve never been prouder to be a stepbrother!"

"I think I blacked out for a second there… I felt like I was floating above my body."

"Sometimes I just want to sit in a chair and cry… and then nap."

"I don’t even know who I am anymore!"

"I’m not crying, you’re crying!"

"This is the worst day of my life… again!"

"I don’t need therapy, I need a time machine!"

"I’m not built for rejection!"

"I just wanted to be loved… and play drums."

"I don’t know how to function in society!"

"I’m not okay, and I don’t know how to be okay!"

"We’re gonna rule this house!"

"We are Step Brothers! Nothing can stop us!"

"From this moment forward, we share everything!"

"No one makes us mad but us!"

"We’re like Batman and Robin, but with more drum solos."

"We’re not just brothers—we’re legends!"

"We’ll destroy anyone who stands in our way!"

"We don’t need parents—we have each other!"

"We’re unstoppable when we’re together!"

"This is the beginning of a beautiful partnership!"

"We’re gonna start a band and change the world!"

"We’re family now—blood, sweat, and bad decisions!"

"Is this a butter commercial?"

"Wait… did you just say ‘jazz’?"

"I thought you were a ninja!"

"Why are you doing a cartwheel in the kitchen?"

"I didn’t know peanuts could be spicy!"

"Are you speaking French?"

"I thought we agreed no more puppet shows!"

"Wait, whose baby is that?"

"I didn’t sign up for interpretive dance!"

"Why is there a trampoline in the dining room?"

"I thought you said ‘taco,’ not ‘yacht’!"

"Wait… are we married?"

"You’re both failures!"

"I’m embarrassed to be related to either of you!"

"You’re living in a fantasy world!"

"When are you two going to grow up?"

"You’re ruining my wedding!"

"I regret everything!"

"You’re not welcome at Thanksgiving!"

"I should’ve stayed married to your mother!"

"You’re both unemployed, uneducated, and unloved!"

"I’m divorcing you both!"

"You’re turning this house into a circus!"

"I’m calling child protective services… for adults!"

"I’m the frontman, you’re the drummer!"

"Our band name is ‘Sex Panther’!"

"We need a keyboardist who also does interpretive dance!"

"We’re gonna open for Lynyrd Skynyrd!"

"I wrote a song called ‘Boats & Hoes’!"

"We need pyrotechnics… and a fog machine!"

"I’m not singing backup vocals!"

"We’re not a cover band—we’re visionaries!"

"The crowd goes wild when I do a backflip off the piano!"

"We need matching leather outfits!"

"I’m not changing the lyrics to ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper’!"

"We’re gonna win a Grammy for Best Interpretive Drumming!"

"I’m gonna tell Mom you touched my stuff!"

"I’ll eat my own shorts if you don’t shut up!"

"I’m gonna put glitter in your shampoo!"

"I’ll scream so loud the neighbors will move!"

"I’m gonna replace your toothpaste with mayonnaise!"

"I’ll hide all your socks so you can never match them again!"

"I’ll draw a mustache on every photo of you!"

"I’ll burp the alphabet during dinner!"

"I’ll wear your clothes and ruin your reputation!"

"I’ll leave sticky notes saying ‘You’re adopted’ everywhere!"

"I’ll rename the dog after you!"

"I’ll sing show tunes at the top of my lungs!"

"I still sleep with a nightlight."

"I cried during *Kung Fu Panda*."

"I’ve never had a real job."

"I think I’m allergic to responsibility."

"I fake-laugh at parties to fit in."

"I talk to my plants… and my toaster."

"I still use a sippy cup sometimes."

"I pretend to read books to look smart."

"I get nervous around stairs."

"I’ve never been on a date without my mom chaperoning."

"I believe in Bigfoot."

"I cry when I burn toast."

"If you can dream it, you can pee on it!"

"Success is just failure with better hair!"

"Never let fear stop you from napping!"

"The only thing standing between you and greatness is pants!"

"Wake up every day and ask: ‘What would a pirate do?’"

"If life gives you lemons, make a lemon cannon!"

"Always carry a snack—it might save your life!"

"Dance like no one’s watching… especially if they’re judging!"

"Be the weirdo everyone remembers at parties!"

"Failure is just practice for winning later!"

"Never trust a man who doesn’t own a cape!"

"Dream big, nap often, annoy constantly!"