100+ Swallow Monty Python Quotes: Iconic Lines & Memorable Copywriting

"It's just a flesh wound!"

"I'm not dead yet!"

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

"This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who."

"The earth is flat and supported on the back of four elephants who stand on a giant turtle."

"If I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor of Rome, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"

"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!"

"We are no longer the Knights Who Say Ni. We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ekki-ekki-ekki-ptang-zoom-boing!'"

"It's just a model!"

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!"

"Right! Stop that, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

"One day, lad, all this will be fire."

"Have you got a form B-38?"

"I'm filing a complaint about this dead rat in my soup!"

"You're lucky to get bread and water. We had beans for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!"

"I demand that my rights be respected!"

"Paperwork, paperwork, always paperwork!"

"You need Form 27B-6 to apply for Form 27B-6."

"Sir, I must protest! This is an outrage!"

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

"I didn't vote for you!"

"We're anarchists!"

"I'm not a witch! I'm just a traveling salesman!"

"The Ministry of Silly Walks? Yes, I’d like to apply."

"Help, help, I'm being repressed!"

"What have the Romans ever done for us?"

"Life's a bitch, then you die, then they dig a hole in the ground..."

"I think therefore I am... a pancake."

"Is this the sketch where we all get arrested?"

"I’m getting older. You’re getting older. Everything’s getting older."

"We are all doomed!"

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."

"I came here for an argument!"

"No, it isn’t!"

"This isn’t an argument, it’s just contradiction!"

"I told you, I came here for an argument!"

"King Arthur: What manner of man are you that can summon up wind and lightning?"

"Old woman: I am a carpenter."

"And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth is banana-shaped."

"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water..."

"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"

"Arthur: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

"Peasant: Well, this is a temperate zone!"

"Camelot! Camelot! ... It's only a model."

"Bring out the holy hand grenade!"

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin...'"

"Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less."

"Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three."

"I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper!"

"You make me laugh when you’re sad. And I like laughing."

"I love you more than any man has ever loved a woman before!"

"Would you like to come and see my etchings?"

"I’ve never kissed a girl before. Is it supposed to taste like chicken?"

"I want to hold your hand… if that’s allowed."

"She turned me into a newt!"

"I got better."

"Let’s not dwell on the past. Let’s look forward to a future full of nothing!"

"I’m not emotionally available. I’m married to my job."

"I gave her a parrot. She said she wanted something that could last."

"Love is a many-splendored thing. Like a splinter in your foot."

"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!"

"There is no god, and his name is Eric."

"Jehovah’s Witnesses? More like Jehovah’s Slackers!"

"I don’t believe in premarital sex. I believe in simultaneous marriage and sex."

"Miracles? I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe. Like a man walking on water… with floaties."

"The Church is neither infallible nor particularly well-informed."

"I was crucified next to two thieves. One said, 'Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' The other said, 'Can I have your sandals?'"

"The meaning of life? Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways? Or maybe he’s just bad at customer service."

"Repent! Repent! Or at least consider a moderate lifestyle change."

"I wasn’t born again. I was just slightly reheated."

"Faith is what you have when you know something isn’t true."

"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

"African or European swallow?"

"The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell… unless it’s on strike."

"According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly… but then again, bees aren’t burdened by expectations."

"Gravity is just a theory. Like evolution. And taxes."

"I disproved thermodynamics using custard."

"Quantum physics explains why I can’t find my keys. They exist in multiple states simultaneously."

"The scientific method? That’s just what they want you to think."

"Carbon dating proves this rock is 5,000 years old. Also, it’s Tuesday."

"Peer review is just censorship with extra steps."

"Newton was wrong. Apples don’t fall. They jump."

"Science has failed us. But magic? Magic has never let me down."

"I’m not a politician. I’m a concerned citizen with a megaphone."

"Democracy means rule by the people. Unfortunately, the people are idiots."

"Vote for me! I promise to lower taxes and raise chaos!"

"Our foreign policy is simple: if they have oil, we bomb them. If they don’t, we pretend they do."

"I stand for truth, justice, and the right to wear silly hats in public."

"Corruption? Never heard of her."

"I didn’t steal the election. I creatively interpreted the results."

"Freedom of speech, as long as you agree with me."

"The budget crisis? Just print more money shaped like ducks."

"We need strong leadership. Preferably someone who can juggle flaming torches."

"Transparency? Sure. Just not until after the election."

"I didn’t lie. I provided alternative facts."

"Ekki-ekki-ekki-ptang-zoom-boing!"

"Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more!"

"It’s a kind of magic. A very cheap kind."

"I’m not sure if I’m babbling or speaking in tongues."

"Words mean different things to different people. Mostly nonsense."

"This sentence is false."

"I speak fluent gibberish."

"Double negatives are a double positive, right?"

"Yes, I’m contradicting myself. No, I don’t care."

"I didn’t say that. I implied it heavily."

"Silence is golden. Unless you’re being interrogated."

"I communicate through interpretive dance and sarcasm."

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound? Only if it hits a philosopher."

"I saw a fish riding a bicycle yesterday. It was salmon."

"The answer is 42. The question is irrelevant."

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

"Everything I say is a lie. Except this sentence."

"Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence."

"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right."

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. Especially during tax season."

"The universe doesn’t care. Neither do I."

"Chaos is order minus control. And I love control."

"I plan to live forever. So far, so good."

"The best things in life are free. The rest will cost you an arm and a leg."