100+ Best Terry Pratchett Quotes That Will Make You Think and Laugh

"Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you."

"Millennium: a period of one thousand years, often shorter when you’re waiting for something."

"The future is just another part of the past waiting to happen."

"It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness."

"One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, and one life can change the world."

"Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today. Tomorrow might not come."

"The history of the universe is every second that didn’t matter until suddenly it did."

"Time moves on, but it doesn't move fast enough for those who wait."

"Everyone thinks they’re running out of time—until they aren’t."

"A second is such a tiny thing, but oh, the damage it can do."

"People assume that time is a strict progression from cause to effect, but actually—from a non-linear, subjective viewpoint—it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."

"You don’t get older. You just get rarer."

"DEATH IS QUITE FINAL. LIFE IS JUST A TEMPORARY CONDITION."

"I FIND THAT AMATEURS ALWAYS DIE EASIER THAN PROFESSIONALS."

"NOT A BAD DEATH, REALLY. QUITE GOOD, IN FACT. VERY DIGNIFIED."

"EVERYTHING COMES TO AN END, EVEN THIS."

"IT’S NOT ABOUT LIVING FOREVER, IT’S ABOUT CREATING SOMETHING THAT WILL."

"YES, I DO KNOW THE WORDS TO 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY', BUT I’VE NEVER BEEN INVITED TO SING THEM."

"THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US AND GODS IS THAT WE DON’T BELIEVE IN PEOPLE."

"I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO TAKES EVERYONE EXACTLY AS THEY ARE."

"DREAMS MAY BE TEMPORARY, BUT SO ARE YOU."

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE PAST. ONLY MEMORIES."

"I AM INEVITABLE. I AM IMMEDIATE. I AM YOUR LAST THOUGHT."

"YOU THINK THAT DEATH IS THE ENEMY? DEATH IS A FRIEND. WITHOUT HIM, THERE COULD BE NO LIFE."

"It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done."

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and putting things in it."

"Humans are gullible. They’ll believe anything if you whisper it, or shout it, or put it in a book."

"A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two is never sure."

"Stupidity, like faith, sometimes takes miraculous forms."

"People don't want good news. They want bad news. Bad news travels faster."

"The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion."

"When a man is convinced he's right, he'll stop at nothing to prove it—even logic."

"The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head."

"People think that deep down inside everyone is really nice. This is not true. Deep down inside, everyone is really weird."

"The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you’re born, and never stops—until you stand up to speak in public."

"If you trust in yourself… and believe in your dreams… and follow your star… you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things."

"It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true. It’s called living."

"Where there is belief, there is power. And where there is power, there are gods."

"Gods come and go, but belief lingers on."

"Faith means not wanting to know what is true."

"A man is stuck with his beliefs. Even when they’re wrong. Especially when they’re wrong."

"Religion is a crutch. But then, so are legs."

"The gods believe in men. Every god needs someone to believe in them."

"Prayer works. But not always in the way you expect."

"People become atheists not because there are no gods, but because there are too many."

"Belief can move mountains. Or at least shift small boulders if you push hard enough."

"A god without followers is just a bloke with delusions."

"The only real magic is belief. Everything else is just smoke and mirrors."

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and putting things in it."

"Knowledge equals power, power equals money, therefore knowledge equals money. Therefore, why am I poor?"

"Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom."

"The more I learn about people, the more I like books."

"To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a child."

"Books are made of words, and words are powerful."

"Understanding is not a doorway. It's a revolving door."

"The pen is mightier than the sword—if the sword is very short and the pen is very sharp."

"The smallest drop of knowledge can create the largest wave of change."

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire—and, occasionally, the throwing of a brick."

"Knowing everything isn’t nearly as difficult as knowing what to do with it."

"The real world is much stranger than fiction. It has better plots."

"Satire is tragedy plus time. And a few well-placed pies."

"Humor is the most serious thing in the world."

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh—otherwise they’ll kill you."

"The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only you don’t understand it while it’s happening."

"They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it’s not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance."

"A man with a million dollars is as happy as a man with a dollar and a dream. Unless the first man is an accountant."

"In ancient times, cats were worshipped as gods. They have not forgotten this."

"The world is full of people who hate queues. Which is why they form so many of them."

"People think that democracy means freedom. It just means you get to choose your chains."

"The press is the last refuge of the scoundrel. After politics, law, and banking."

"Modern technology has given us the ability to communicate instantly across the globe. Most of us use it to argue about cats."

"There’s no such thing as a stupid question. But there are plenty of curious fools."

"Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"Tradition is the illusion that the world is the same yesterday as it was the day before."

"The future is already here—it’s just not evenly distributed."

"People resist change, unless it comes in the form of a discount."

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end."

"Innovation is what happens when necessity gets annoyed."

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the new."

"Civilization advances by extending the number of things we can do without thinking."

"History repeats itself. First as tragedy, then as farce, then as a badly written sequel."

"The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes."

"If you want to see the future, look at what people are arguing about today."

"Words are wind, but wind can knock down trees."

"Spelling is important. If you can spell ‘catastrophe,’ you’ve got a head start."

"A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need advice."

"Language is a virus. Once it infects you, you can’t think without it."

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

"Silence is not empty. It is full of answers—if you know how to listen."

"Names are important. They carry weight. They shape destiny."

"A lie can run around the world before the truth has got its boots on."

"Euphemisms are lies dressed up as politeness."

"Words make the world go round. Unfortunately, so do idiots."

"The dictionary is the only place where ‘success’ comes before ‘work.’"

"Once a word is said, it belongs to everyone. Even if you regret it."

"Morality is fun. It’s like juggling with knives. One slip and someone gets hurt."

"Justice is not about fairness. It’s about making people think it’s fair."

"Evil is not something superhuman. It’s very human indeed."

"The law is clear. The law is precise. The law is also completely mad."

"Right and wrong are like left and right. Stand on your head and they switch."

"Compassion is not weakness. It’s strength under control."

"The opposite of good is not evil. It’s indifference."

"Rules are made by people. People are stupid. Ergo, rules are often stupid."

"Punishment should fit the crime. But usually it fits the budget."

"No one ever washed their hands after inventing a new sin."

"The only thing worse than being unjust is pretending to be just."

"We build prisons for criminals. But society builds the criminals."

"Stories are wild creatures. When you let them loose, who knows what havoc they might wreak?"

"A story is never finished. It just stops moving for a bit."

"Imagination is the only weapon against reality."

"Fiction is the lie that tells the truth."

"The world is made of stories, not atoms."

"If you don’t read good books, you can’t write them. Or even recognize them."

"All wizards are mad. But the best ones are mad in the right way."

"The truth may be out there, but the stories are in here."

"Narrativium is the element that makes things happen because they ought to."

"Sometimes the best way to understand the world is to make up a better one."

"Fantasy is not an escape from reality. It’s a way of understanding it."

"Once upon a time is the most powerful phrase in any language."