W.C. Fields, an iconic comedian and actor from the early 20th century, is renowned for his sharp wit and humorous observations about life. His quotes often reflect a cynical, yet deeply insightful, perspective on human nature and the world at large. In this article, we explore a collection of W.C. Fields' quotes divided into ten categories, each showcasing a different facet of his comedic genius. These quotes remain relevant today, offering wisdom wrapped in humor. Let’s dive into the unique mind of W.C. Fields and find meaningful laughs in his words.
W.C. Fields Quotes on Life
"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
"If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death."
"Life's a funny thing. You’re lucky if you get out of it alive."
"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive."
"I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home."
"When we have lost everything, we find out that we can live without it."
"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money."
"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
"The best thing about living a lie is that it gets easier every day."
"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Alcohol
"I can do anything. I'm a political drunk."
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake."
"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink."
"Sleep, those little slices of death — how I loathe them."
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."
"It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never wrote to thank her."
"I am not a man, I am a dynamite."
"I drink therefore I am."
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her."
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
"They say that love and drink are the two great equalizers. But I find drink keeps better company."
"If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Work
"I don't like work, but I do like winning."
"No man who is in business has ever really failed until he has hired his first vice president."
"It's hard to work in the dark, but even harder when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel."
"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for."
"I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."
"If you want to make the world laugh, tell them your plans."
"I never vote for anybody, I always vote against."
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never be sure of their authenticity."
"Never work before breakfast; if you have to work, eat your breakfast first."
"Nothing can damage a man like giving him work.
"Anything worth having is worth cheating for."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Money
"A dollar saved is a dollar earned."
"I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol, and wild women. The other half I wasted."
"A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for."
"The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother."
"I'm very humble and proud of it."
"A man without an intention is like a ship without a sails."
"Thou shalt not steal is merely a suggestion when Thou's wallet is not a fit sponsor."
"The one motto I do live by is, 'Whatever it takes, make a buck.
"You can't cheat an honest man."
"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree."
"Riches: treat them to make a buck, treat them mean to waste a day.
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Humor
"Comedy is a serious business; it takes years of practice and training."
"A comedian never takes aim, he sprays it all over the place."
"I never met a kid I liked."
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine; shadows will fall behind you."
"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."
"If at first, you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death."
"Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening."
"Never give a sucker an even break."
"The best comedy is tragedy plus time."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Politics
"A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money."
"I am not a fan of politics but it is great to pass time critics."
"Never vote for the best call of man."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies."
"Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock."
"I don't mind what Congress does as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses."
"In Washington, it is the more corrupt plan that usually fails."
"Vote early and vote often."
"It ain't so much the things we don't know that cause the trouble. It's the things we do know that ain't so."
"I never vote for anybody, I always vote against."
"Politics and morality is radically incompatible with one another."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Success
"If you're afraid of failure, you'll never succeed."
"If at first, you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
"Success is not an accident, it's a byproduct of unscripted failure."
"People who take vows of poverty should not use papayas to batter eggs."
"Diligence is the mother of good luck."
"I'm not certain successful people work hard but I’m sure they work smart."
"When I started out, I wanted to be nothing. But I've been so happy with that."
"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
"Success is getting up one more time when you fall down."
"When you discover the scheme, people will misinterpret your moves as luck."
"Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping."
"In the word of the wise: luck moves with diligence."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Family
"Anyone who hates children and dogs can’t be all bad."
"Children should neither be seen nor heard from — ever again."
"My father kept me busy reading books and plucking eggs from nests in his room of secrets."
"A man never owes another man anything anything in this world but their fair forgiveness."
"Never gain control over your children until you have control over yourself."
"Children’s laughter is the sweet sound we must possess as parents."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
"Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one."
"The ties that bind are nothing compared to the ones that kneel at your chest."
"An adult never expresses being a child without rectangles and wires on their wall "
"I have a special help, I call it a wife. Confusing title for illegitimate girl "
"My wife ran off with my best friend and I miss him."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Friendship
"I don't have a drinking problem 'cept when I can't get a drink."
"On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."
"There's always one day one goes on to become one's own friend."
"Beauty is in the eye of the husband’s best friend."
"The law friends I makes are in law courts too."
"It's not what one friend will do, it's trust both make."
"Learn from my sins: choose friends carefully because enemies may fall on your lap better."
"Friends: people who borrow my money, my car, and my sanity."
"I never drank in a friend that hasn't attempted my failures."
"Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer, but never admit you don’t care for either."
"Judge others not by the color of their friendship, but by their support when put to task "
"What we can blame our friends for, we can also forgive."
W.C. Fields Quotes on Love
"Some things are better left to romance’s talent augmented with silent hope."
"In order to attain the living romance, never achieve it."
"Never mind what one deserves unless he is living with love's uproar "
"Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one."
"She described me as her dream, it sent horror through my balance."
"I love these sudden confessions of love, even if come from crooks whom I trusted "
"Love: never explain, nor conquer before proceeding to it "
"Nothing in the world is sure, it defies love in thus "
"The goods of love fall not solely upon mongrel prostitutes "
"I had some advice for life’s marriage program: '*Enter* only if ever face real perplexity "
"She quotes love unsparingly by the smell of new books "
"It is not love to which W.C. falls over, but the very idea of it "
Final words
In conclusion, the genius of W.C. Fields lies in his ability to transform everyday observations into timeless wit encapsulated in his quotes. His humor, though often encumbered with cynicism, provides a refreshing take on life, work, politics, and relationships. W.C. Fields’ quotes continue to inspire and entertain, serving as a reminder that even in life's absurdities, we can find laughter and wisdom. His unique take on human nature preserves his legacy as one of history's greatest humorists. Whether you are seeking a chuckle or profound wisdom, Fields' quotes offer both in equal measure and invite us to perceive life with a dynamic, humorous lens.
