Summary of Dwight Schrute Quotes
Dwight Schrute, a beloved character from the hit TV show "The Office," is known for his eccentric behavior, quirky sense of humor, and unique perspective on life. His quotes capture his dedication, loyalty, and often unconventional wisdom. In this collection, we've curated some of Dwight's most memorable lines, organized into ten specific themes. Each theme contains twelve quotes that exemplify Dwight's wit, insights, and sometimes absurd take on common situations. Fans of "The Office" will be thrilled to revisit these quotes that highlight Dwight's larger-than-life persona, while newcomers might discover an intriguing mix of hilarity and peculiar logic. Whether you're looking to relive classic moments or find motivational humor, this compilation promises a delightful dive into the world of Schrute.
Motivational Dwight Schrute Quotes
"Before I do anything, I ask myself: would an idiot do that? And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing."
"Always do your best. Unless you can be Dwight Schrute, then be the best Schrute you can be."
"You have to play to win. But you also have to win to play."
"The eyes are the groin of the head."
"In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead.'
"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' and if they would, I do not do that thing."
"You can't let a girl feel good about herself; it will backfire."
"When a superior tells you to do something, you do it."
"There’s too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague."
"The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
"Success is not a selector switch; it is a master switch."
"Never be ashamed. There's someone who will find your success shameful and your shame successful."
Dwight Schrute Quotes on Loyalty
"You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you."
"I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther."
"I would never let anything happen to Dunder Mifflin."
"I am ready for any task you throw at me. But I am not responsible for the consequences."
"I thrive on criticism."
"Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm being paid for here is my loyalty."
"You get a sense of loyalty, a sense of belonging."
"My loyalty remains unshaken, like a rock that sits in a beach storm, etched in sand and memory."
"If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn’t me."
"Someone once told me loyalty is a two-way street."
"Some people choose to see their problems as obstacles, and others as loyal stepping stones."
"For the record, I've never been loyal to anything except my own superior drive of competitiveness."
Unique Wisdom from Dwight Schrute Quotes
"You can’t control me, not with a full moon, not when sky’s blue."
"Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
"If you pray hard enough, you can change yourself."
"I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore."
"Before I do anything, I ask myself: 'What would an idiot do?' and if they would do it, I do not do that thing."
"Today, smoking is gonna save lives."
"I am faster than 80 percent of all snakes."
"There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things."
"You don't need to be an idiot to succeed. But if you are, success is likely not in the books for you."
"It's not so much that I want people to fear me, I want them to want to fear me."
"If I went missing, the tribe would kill me, and the government wouldn’t find me."
"Do not lie. Lying does not contribute positively to your status as a loyal employee."
Humorous Dwight Schrute Quotes
"How would I describe myself? Three words: hard-working, alpha male, jackhammer."
"Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica."
"I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors."
"I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before... try."
"I don’t believe in coddling people."
"People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck."
"Michael! Michael! Michael!", just Michael repeated infinitely.
"I am faster than 80% of all snakes."
"When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."
"Bears do not have opposable thumbs."
"Why are all these people following me? It's not my fault habaneros make my hands hyper-absorbent."
"I do not apologize unless I think I am wrong."
Dwight Schrute Quotes on Authority
"As a volunteer sheriff's deputy, I've been involved in several terrorist situations."
"Rule number one in business, never be smarter than the boss."
"Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty."
"I am the assistant regional manager."
"When I am ready to hear 'yes,' I will then address my limitations."
"I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no healthcare."
"I wish I could menstruate so I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars."
"The only time I set the bar low is for limbo."
"Actually, no. I do not bother others. Others bother me."
"It is true that we are a dangerous animal threat."
"You don’t need to thank me."
"I'm an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms."
Dwight Schrute Quotes on Friendship
"Accept your friends as they are, even with all your deep-seated loathing for every single inch of them."
"Michael: You need to stop hanging out with idiots. Dwight: Are they socially beneficial idiots?"
"I am ready and willing to make a friend."
"Sometimes the happiest people have the weirdest friends."
"Friends like pranks, steaks, and a good beet farm. But mostly pranks."
"Always go for the friend who eats the low-hanging fruit."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, but if you want to last, you gotta be Schrute."
"I only own three things: beat forests, a sense of humor, and true friend like Michael."
"Nothing says friendship like unexpected pepper spray."
"Friends are the family you choose to accept."
"A good friend tastes the beets before you do."
"Best friends bring bears to compliment the beets."
Quotes About Schrute's Farm
"Schrute Farms is very easy to find. It’s right in the middle of the root vegetable district."
"Schrute Farms is where the beats rhyme and the worms hum."
"Schrute Farms is where you learn to be hard as the roots of a beat."
"Never be ashamed of how you farm, but let your farm speak for your produce."
"Everything I have taught you comes from Schrute farm methods."
"Schrute Farms welcomes tourists, but only for educational purposes."
"In times of peace, Schrute farms are the warriors."
"It’s a thankless job taking care of the night soil at Schrute Farms, but somebody's got to do it."
"The best view comes after the hardest trek through Schrute Farms."
"If you have to ask the cause of a bumper beet crop, look no further than Schrute ingenuity."
"Tough farms will never last, but tough farmers do."
"In fields of promise, Schrutes plow with precision."
Dwight's Love Life Quotes
"I always say: Shirleys come and go, but Schrutes never leave."
"My love for Angela is like a beet: bitter, yet enduring."
"Love is like a big German sausage, it’s odd yet filling."
"For you, I would make beet beer to last us through the winter nights."
"I tried to make her a bed of roses, but all I could grow were beets."
"You have to fight for love, tooth and nail, just like planting a stubborn beet."
"Angela makes my departments run like a well-oiled Schrute farm machine."
"True love is unbending, like a perfectly straightened beet leaf."
"Our love is like Deutsche poetry: deep, intense, and mostly misunderstood."
"Angela, you're my cold beet salad in a sunny side up world."
"If love is a battlefield, then I am the soldier of fortune, armed with flowers and determination."
"For love, I climb the beet mountain, carrying a thousand promises."
Dwight's Career Quotes
"Always the DuPont of success, never the Schrute of mediocrity."
"If you're not number one, then why bother scratching the label at all?"
"The office is like my battlefield, bearing witness to every paper cut."
"When I show up, competition hides under its desk."
"I will not change for the status quo, the status quo can change for me."
"I never sleep at the wheel, not even in the office batter's circle."
"Believe in the power of the mighty Schrute, for it believes in none."
"Each sales call is made with Schrute precision, down to the last minute detail."
"Success is never having to look at the bottom of a sales chart."
"To best the best is my usual day at work routine."
"Leaders bring success along like a top seed brings the sun to bear on its crop."
"My career knows no boundaries, only Schrute milestones."
Dwight's Miscellaneous Quotes
"There's a reason Schrutes grow beets, not bananas."
"It’s Schrute self-reliance you need to pass any wilderness task."
"You either have Schrute potential or Schrute results."
"Life is a continuous cycle of beet planting and harvest. Treat your job accordingly."
"In this world of fleeting wisdom, a Schrute remains steadfast like an unbreakable beet stalk."
"Jump first, look Schrute-like before you leap."
"To survive, you must become relaxed in the most Schrute-like situations."
"Amazing things start with a simple Schrute will."
"When measuring success, don't forget the Schrute scale."
"Survival of the fittest, but only Schrutes pass with flying colors."
"Work hard, Schrute harder."
"If you want Schrute, you must size up accordingly."
Final Words
Dwight Schrute's quotes offer insight into his unique personality that blends determination, humor, and an unusual grasp on life's challenges. From motivational lines to his distinctive interpretations of authority and friendship, these quotes showcase a multifaceted character who is as endearing as he is unpredictable. His wit and wisdom remain timeless, echoing in the hearts of fans around the world. Through his love for Angela to his devotion to Schrute Farms and his relentless pursuit of excellence in his career, Dwight continues to be a symbol of unwavering confidence, gumption, and unconventional logic. As we delve into the beautifully absurd world of Schrute, may these quotes inspire laughter, introspection, and perhaps spur some to chase success with the fervent zeal of the Assistant-to-the-Regional Manager.
